My condolences...

So I was up in NW tonight, hangin out at the Crab Shack with the pals, and Nina and I went on the crazy most fun Taco Bell run ever...
And we get back, and we're eating, and Nina gets the phone call.
Her dad's dad just passed away.

It's one of those things where, you never quite know what's appropriate to say or do. You want to hug them, and talk to them, but there's a million things running through their head, so many things that have nothing to do with you, and that you couldn't possibly understand, much less help with. So you just kinda wing it, hope what you're doing is ok, offer them a ride back home, which I did.

But the poor girl is bawling, and all I could do was just be there. I suppose that's enough. I suppose that's all one can do, but I know she just wants to be alone with her family. I'll call her tomorrow and give her and her father my condolences, but like that's really gonna make a difference in their greiving.

All this time leading up to it, all I could think about was how I have to call in about the results of my petition tomorrow morning, how I wanted to go to bed early so I could wake up, and do whatever I needed to, whether it be prep to tell my parents the bad news or scramble to get the paperwork out to NOVA. That all seems so trivial now, like it really means nothing compared to life or death. I suppose that's what experiences like these are for, to remind us how little the things we worry about mean.
But what after that? It's not like realizing how little it means changes the fact that they're there, and still have to be accounted for. It's not like I can just say, "It doesn't matter if my petition was approved, because life could be over before you know it." So how does it all work in?

Death is one of those subjects I don't really talk about all that much. It's not that it's touchy or anything, it's actually quite the opposite, and that's why I don't like talking about it. It doesn't really bother me all that much. I dunno, I feel like people think they have to feel awful, or that they hold on too tightly to things and people in life, and can't let things go. People get so worked up, and I guess I just don't. I've never been emotional about death, it's terrible, I know, but it doesn't really phase me. That's why in situations like these I don't really know what to do; if I were them I wouldn't be freaking out.

It's part of my disturbing ability to just roll with the punches. When my grandfather died, it just kinda happened. I moved on. I didn't cry, I didn't grieve, I just kinda accepted it and moved on. It's like that any time I hear about someone's death. It makes me feel callous and cold, but, I'm really not, I'm just way too good at accepting reality in some areas.

Anyway....this is my interlude, another entry before the big one tomorrow with my results.

My condolences Nina, Mr. Levine. You know I'm here for you always.