I'm a porker

Not in the idealistic, I'm someone who porks lots of women, at least not any more. No, unfortunately, I mean it in the more traditional, roller pig, beefcake kinda way.

I blame the Atkins diet. I know, I know, you're saying, "But Dave, sorry, David, I know how much you hate that, anyway, the Atkins diet helps people lose weight! WTFOMGBBQ?1"

Yes, yes, you're right, and thank you for correcting yourself. And stop using long, drawn out acronyms, they're annoying. g/i? Good.

See, when I was living down in the Euge, being the poor college student that I was, I couldn't afford to eat, especially not with my nicotine and alcohol dependencies. Which, still, I don't think is such a problem because I'm pretty sure the FDA will agree that a pint of Guiness and a Marb counts as a meal. So pretty much the only nutritive source in my life was Beer.
But, having moved back up to P-town with the rents for the usmmer before leaving for Japan, I've stumbled upon an entirely new dilema. Not that there was really a dilema before, I was pretty happy with my eating habits, and my weight.

^^^Not actually me.^^^

See, the rents are on the Atkins diet, or, more accurately their own bastardized version of it. Whereas hardcore Atkins dieters eat hamburgers wrapped in bacon, they just have a bacon cheeseburger, bun and all, cause I'm around and I won't eat that crap without a bun. And if it's not a burger, it's a steak, or a hot dog, or some other random slab of meat the size of my ego. You can see already how this is going to be a problem.


So between the beer carbs and the bucket and a half of saturated fat I get a day, I'm getting to be quite the porker. It doesn't help either that there are taquitos in the fridge sitting next to a gallon, yes, a gallon of Ortega salsa con queso flavored porkfat.

So yea, this is getting out of hand. I need to move to Japan and quickly so I can go back to being somehwat impoverished and healthy. Either that or deflate my ego a bit so the steaks will become smaller in size.

Like I said, I need to move to Japan, and quick.