Dear Liesl

I`m moving. Sweet action. This new apartment is going to kick ass, I`ll be living with some sweet guys and have internet and all this crazy shit.

Liesl told me today she wishes sometimes I weren`t a part of her life. Apparently she `found out some new things about me`. Fanfuckingtastic. I like that no matter how much I learn or grow or change, there`s always gonna be someone out there who holds me to who I used to be.

For Christ`s sake I went through Hell because of what I did, and didn`t do but people assumed I did, but never thought to ask me about because they ASSUME I`m a liar. Fuck you. Not to sound cliche, but you don`t know me. You have no idea who I am.

You know what I love about my life in the last two years? I have real friends. I have people who give a shit about me. Who know I made bad decisions but let it go, who forgave me and that was the end of it. You know Shane was there for every day of everything that went on in that house, saw everything I did when Liesl wasn`t around. He was there when I left, and you know what? He`s still around now. Shane knew I did some stupid things, but he also knows people make mistakes, and let it go. Because when Shane did stupid shit, I never batted an eye, because I knew it`s part of growing up and finding out who he is to become.

Greg is the same way, and I love him with all my heart. Cole is the same way, and I love him with all my heart. All my friends are that way, and I love them all to the ends of the Earth and there`s nothing I wouldn`t do for them, and they know it.

I MADE HUGE FUCKING MISTAKES! I`m aware of that, thank you. Get the fuck over it, we all do.
What I respect in people is when they take others on a day to day basis. Liesl every time I`ve talked to you in the last year I`ve been respectful, kind, helpful, etc. I`ve been a good person to you. When you called me lost as hell and I stayed on the phone with you for over half an hour just to make sure you got to wherever the hell you were going safely, did it occur to you that maybe that`s the kind of person I am? I didn`t have to do that, I wasn`t too stoked to spend that much time talking to you, honestly, but when someone needs my help I lend them a hand, no questions asked. I loaned you my car to go see your family, at a time in my life when I couldn`t bear to even think of you because of the shame I felt over what I had done in the past.

Why can`t you understand that? Why can`t you take a moment and try to understand where I`m coming from? I refuse to live another day of my life in shame for what I`ve done. I will not let you change me from looking forward to the future to looking back again on my past.

I pulled myself out of a hole which had no end, stood on the brink of Hell or suicide or God knows what and made myself into something I am proud of. I don`t care anymore if you can`t see that. It`s your worry, not mine. After this, I will never explain myself to you, or anyone else, ever again. The past is dead, and I intend for it to stay that way.

I am a good person. Now. And I`m proud of that. I wish you would let me show you that because you were such a huge part of my life. I hate pushing you out of my head, it`s not right.

Please, can we let our pasts be the past? I don`t want to be your ex anymore, I want to be who I am.