Singality

I just looked over at my iPod while already listening to music, thinking if I switched to it my music would somehow be better, or that I could access songs more directly, shortly before realizing I'm on my freaking computer itself, where all my music resides to begin with. I'm such a dumbass sometimes.

Anyway, I've gotten a lot of flack lately for, well, being as single as I have been. There's a new guy, Ritchie, and three days after arriving landed one of the hottest g/f's I've seen a Nova teacher get. Come to think of it, almost every single teacher I know has a girlfriend, or at least someone they're sleeping with. Kieran asked me about my date with Yukari, a student, today at work, which came a shock admittedly, well, cause Kieran is an AT, i.e. my boss and hanging out with students is strictly prohibited, and then proceeded to tell me about his date with Yukari's friend, Naomi, and how he felt the same way I did about my date, i.e. it was boring. He was surprised I acted confused when I brought it up, I think he might have forgotten for a second what it would normally mean to have that sort of thing brought up if, well, he cared a little more than he does.

Well, the point is here that now I've even got managers giving me shit about being single for as long as I have. "You gotta get yourself out there" they say, "you gotta make an effort man" and so on, but I mean, shit, everybody else it seems like has had someone practically fall into their laps. That's not to say I haven't had women make themselves available to me, it's just, well, not the right one. I know that logic is flawed, but, shit. I wanna be picky damnit. All the same, I want to be seeing somebody. I think.

Or is it just pressure? I mean, what if I'm fine being single? I've been fine for this long, being single and watching my friends have relationships that inevitably fail, but, I mean, erg, I dunno. I'm a wuss, I guess. There are girls that I know want something more from me, so why do I hold back? ;alkdjsf;aswerhuuh4r. Yeah.

Emily made a comment a little while back that I secretly like myself. I've been thinking about that lot lately, and you know, she hit the nail on the head. I really do pretty much like myself. But one thing I lack is well, balls, when it comes to girls. I wish I understood a little better what it was that's at the root of my aversion to well, women, but it seems that the only real relationships I've had have pretty much just kinda happened. I've never been good at making the first move, or keeping it going, or really anything, despite my nearly flawless ability to flirt given the right circumstances. Arg. I should be dating models, but I'm not. Not only am I not dating uber hot mega girls I'm not dating anyone at all. I'm not even shooting below my potential. Gosh I am such a dumbass sometimes.

Ever wonder if people hook up with old friends because they were holding out for so long for something better and then one day, they kinda realized that there was a friend of theirs that was doing the exact same thing and neither of you had any luck, so subconsciously they moved towards each other to alleviate their mutual unmet needs? Why are those relationships so treasured? They say you should marry your best friend, does that mean that I should settle for someone else who's held out as long as they could with the same result as myself?