Boredom and Loneliness

I'm bored. Blogging while bored is usually an excercise in futility, but it seems lately that I have a lot more free time now that, well, I've once again plateau'd in the game I play. There's really nothing I can do with an hour or so before going to bed, so I just kinda quit and have nothing to do. I hate being idle, I hate the feeling like I've got energy and time that's being used for absolutely nothing, not even to accomplish something as intangible as in-game progress.

I've got this odd, sinking feeling like my life is becoming stagnant, despite all my travel. I don't really do much outside of work, and I'm certainly not in a relationship, so, a lot of my time is spent, well, killing time. I should take studying Japanese back up, I'm sure I could learn a lot from it, but Greg has my texts, so I can't really do that.

Natascha is leaving next week. Everytime it crosses my mind it leaves me with this awful empty feeling inside, even though we're not a couple or anything, it's just to have yet another person leaving, especially one as close me as her, just resonates too much with that feeling I always get that no matter what you do in life, at the end of it you're always alone. I know a large part of that is the life I've chosen for whatever conscious or unconscious reasons, but all the same it's still a solitary life I lead.

Again I come back to my having an absurdly high threshold for what's exciting or worth doing. Hanging out with friends is fantastic and all, but what does it really accomplish? Other than strengthening a friendship, it's really not a whole lot. So you go and hang out with your friends after work. Sweet. We hung out, had a few drinks, chatted, pickled our livers or made our lungs bleed, caught up on gossip. Wow. As a highly trained monkey in space once gestured to the panic striken and overly worrisome control crew of his voyage back on Earth, "big fucking deal".

I'm going to miss Natascha a lot. She was pretty much the only person I've never minded just hanging out with. Time spent with her is time well spent, and it's going to be hard to find someone else like that, if I ever do. There aren't too many people like her out there, though I can't decide if that's good or bad. The argument goes both ways.

So anyway, I'm bored. I'm bored, and what's worse, I'm indifferent about it.