Bored.

Today was basically just another normal day, I went to work, and now here I am, sitting at the helm typing here because there wasn't anything going on in the game I play.

A high level student and I were discussing journals/diaries in our lesson today, about how we've totally lapsed in updating things in our daily lives recently. Basically, we don't write because there's nothing to write about, because life has settled and there's really not a lot going on, or, because we're way too busy living it to actually sit down and type about it. So it's kind of an interesting quandary, that the only times I really write are when I'm bored and have nothing to say.

I look back on my old entries now and again to read what I put down, and there are some things that really wow me, but this is nothing I haven't said before.

It's kind of anticlimactic when you realize that all the hardship and struggles you endure in life all go towards ultimately being extremely bored. Like, I busted my ass and went through a lot of shit to come to Japan, and now here I am, my life is stable, I have everything I need and most of what I want, and all of a sudden there's no reason to really pay close attention to anything. And it's not like I'm going to fabricate importance in things, nor manufacture events to stimulate my life, but it really is something of a let down to finally get to a point where I've wanted to be only to be bored now that I'm here.

It just goes to show I guess that life really is about getting there, rather than being there. I've been aware most of my life now that the rewarding part of doing something is less the result than having made an effort to get there, or, if not that, then what the end result enables you to do that you couldn't before, thus enriching your life and opening doors to new opportunities.

I hate this conflict that I don't like being stressed out all the time but I hate being idle. I guess though when it comes down to it I'd rather be in controlled panic than controlled stability. for example, in this game, I just finished leveling a Priest to max level, and I find that I enjoy healing much more than I do blasting things with my Warlock, the reason being that when I'm killing shit all I have to do is pick a target and stick with it till it dies, there's occasionally some crazy stuff that goes on, but by and large it's lather, rinse repeat. But with healing, I have to divide my attention at least 5 ways, keep 5 people alive, and watch out for environmental factors what not only endanger myself but the rest of my party. With a good group it's satisfying to do a good job, but I almost like a semi-good group because then I really have to work to keep things going, and that kind of near-panic, near-failure is where the real satisfaction of playing comes from, from my point of view.

I suppose though, it's a good thing that I have this outlet for my desire to be up to my waist in panic and potential harm since there are zero real life consequences and it more or less tames me in real life so I don't go doing something profoundly stupid where it really counts.

Anyway, in other news, I have my end of contract evaluation coming up at the endof the month, I have to arrange my vacation days for my trip to Thailand asap, and I'm going to spend Saturday night with my girlfriend, which makes me happy.

This summer has not been a summer at all, I've been cold at night more often than not, the rain is weird and inconsistent, and has dragged on for a strangely long period of time. So, either it's gonna be stupidly hot when this breaks, or the entire globe is going to freeze come winter. What the heck is going on?