Nagging Thoughts

I can't escape this feeling like my life in the last two months is now somehow completely different than it was before while living here.

I can't remember being new here anymore, I can't remember being stressed out about work and my performance. I can't remember some of the lessons I taught when I first started or even the ones I started teaching after that when I started to get comfortable. I'm in a third phase now, and the first seems all but lost to time and the second is rapidly approaching black and white rather than color images.

I lived in Minami Kashiwa for 4 months prior to moving here, but, for how much I held my breath, it feels like I've lived in my new place longer. There were several things which I think contributed to this.

First, I never thought of my old place as home. I knew I was going to leave, and the stress of being in a new place put me into super get shit done mode, which basically means I don't let anything under my skin, at all, period. This also results in a feeling shortly afterward like nothing that happened actually did. My memories have no reality, no depth, for the 4 months prior to my being in this new place.
Secondly, my moving here coincided with, well, a rather cathartic letter to Liesl which in all honesty put an end to a chapter in my life which had dragged out far, far too long. Aside from letting go of my past with Liesl, I also let go of my past with my former fraternity, two things after moving here I used to dream and daydream about nightly and daily.

But since I've been out here in Hiregasaki, I feel like, well, life is good. And you know, it really kind of is. I was in a funk for a good long while, not to mention living with a hard drug addiction (yes, Christy, that does make me cool cause I've recovered). But now, well, I'm better. I'm not bubbly happy or giddy or saccharine or anything, but, I'm content. And that rocks.

It also means that the last couple of years of my life are fading away rather quickly, right up until I moved here. So, I guess when I said I have this nagging feeling, I only meant that it's weird feeling good about my life. But I like it.