My three words

Cynical - adj.

1. Believing or showing the belief that people are motivated chiefly by base or selfish concerns; skeptical of the motives of others: a cynical dismissal of the politician's promise to reform the campaign finance system.
2. Selfishly or callously calculating: showed a cynical disregard for the safety of his troops in his efforts to advance his reputation.
3. Negative or pessimistic, as from world-weariness: a cynical view of the average voter's intelligence.
4. Expressing jaded or scornful skepticism or negativity: cynical laughter.

Sarcastic - adj.

1. Expressing or marked by sarcasm.
2. Given to using sarcasm.
3. A form of irony in which apparent praise conceals another, scornful meaning.
   

Sardonic - adj
1. Scornfully or cynically mocking
2. Marked by or displaying contemptuous mockery of the motives or virtues of others


Other words that work well for me:

Facetious - adj

1. Playfully jocular; humorous

Irreverent - adj

1. Lacking or exhibiting a lack of reverence; disrespectful.
2. Critical of what is generally accepted or respected; satirical:

Curt - adj

1. Rudely brief or abrupt, as in speech or manner.
2. Using few words; terse.
3. Having been shortened.

That's not to say these are the only words that work for me, there are lots of positive ones too, but, for the purposes of just about everything I'll post here, these'll do.

Try to take it all with a grain of salt. I'm just throwin shit out here. That way I can be less so in real life situations when it might be a lot more detrimental to say things, like, say, women don't belong in the workplace, which I clearly don't mean, but I don't want to spend the next hour explaining to whoever was offended.

IHOP

The day before yesterday, when I got home from my party, Amanda finally got a hold of me and we watched Anchorman. The whole time she was going off about how she wanted pancakes. It took an entire day for me to give in and finalyl go get some with her, after some ordeal involving a burrito and some frustration, but, all that having been done, we decided to go out to IHOP.

On a whim, we decided to go to the IHOP in Springfield and then go to Castle to take a look at toys and whatnot.
So we get out there, and we're seated, and the our waitress is just...I dunno, off. I think what made me notice first was that she broke a couple of the cardinal rules of guest service. She made inside comments to the other waitress in front of guests, just kinda walked off when she dropped things off without waiting for a response, that sorta thing. And the longer we were there the worse it got.

Periodically she would go into the kitchen and everyone could hear her yelling to the cooks. All the conversation in the restaurant would stop whenver she did this, everyone just kinda felt really awkward. It was obvious that she was under quite a bit of stress, but she just really wasn't handling it professionally at all, whatsoever.

So then we hear her mention that they're out of onion rings. The insid ecomment I was referring to was her calling off to the other waitress, who was apparently new, how many orders she had to deny since they were out of onion rings. So when it came time to order, I ordered the turkey and provalone sourdough griller sandwich, and she informed me that they were out of turkey. Out. Lame.
So I go with the Ham and brie. I wanted to order a strawberry lemonade, but guess what? Out of strawberries. Wow...really impressed. I would have understood if she were more polite, but no, just, we're out. When she told me they were out of turkey, I asked, "Well, what DO you have?" I almost felt bad for being to brazen, but, she had already maxed out on rude so I figured it wouldn't be that big of a deal.

Poor girl. She was just freakin out. And she wasn't even the newbie. There were people leaving the restuarant cause of her. If that were my first time at an IHOP I'd never go back.

I called the restaurant today, and talked to the manager about the whole incident. Turns out the poor girl's only a junior in high school. Yeesh. Apparently they're going to have to sit down and have a little chatsie with her. I'd almost feel bad if I had the girl fired because of what happened, but man, if nothing else at least she'll learn to handle her stress a little better.
They offered to mail me a gift certificate. I declined.

Moral of the Story:
Chicks freak out and lose their composure under pressure. Women don't belong in a stressful workplace.

Cynicism

Apparently I'm getting to that point before moving where seperation anxiety kicks in and I start to push just about everyone I know away for fear of missing them. I suppose I should stop deluding myself in this regard and stop letting my subconscious lash out at people without much in the way of provocation.

I debate back in forth in my head whether it's actually that I don't want to miss these people, or that I'm feeling liberated by the fact that after I move, I theoretically could never have to answer to these people again, and can really say what I feel.

I'd like to think that I don't harbor as much ill will as I'm capable of expressing, but I recognize as well that I've got a lot of frustration towards the world that I just generally never act upon. I kinda take things, and let them go, and never really stand up for what I think, because of the fights I would get into with people.

So here's my question, since this is public, and is meant to be read and commented on: is it better for a person to just let things slide for the sake of keeping the gears of social interaction well lubricated or bring things to their potential grinding halt by taking a stand when presented with the opportunity and openly disagreeing with people, or letting them know how you really feel about a situation?

On one hand, 99% of the time, I don't care enough about the subject to risk the clash that would result from disagreeing with them. On the other, it creates a situation for me where I am not being honest and truly representative of my feelings. Though it is a genuine representation of my personality to avoid needless conflict and to make sacrifices in the name of getting along, those feelings I hold back are as well genuinely mine. So which, in doing so, creates a more false representation of who I am, and regardless of that, which is more appropriate?

This is my conflict, and it's being exascerbated by my upcoming move to Portland, and then Japan. Put in a situation where, were I to take it that way, I would have nothing to lose by letting lose with my feelings when I disagree, and conversely being completely honest about the things I feel which are positive and warm.

In spite of the fact that the title of both this and my blog on the whole are named for the cynic in me, I want to apologize to anyone that I inadvertantly hurt as a result of what I'm going through. What's worse, is that I know it will take a while to distinguish whether what I do that might be hurtful is the result of genuine feelings I have or the interest accrued on the principle of held back conflict which is pent up in my psyche.