10-31

10-31 10:00am – Orientation

Orientation is today. I got up around 9am and got ready, ironed my shirt, sorta. I ironed it as best I could, I suppose with practice I’ll get better. Maybe I’ll ask Tim for a run through on how to do it the best, especially with the slacks. Anyway, at around 11:15 I’ll start heading down to the station, so I can be sure to hop on a train early enough to get there. The sheet says I should be on the 11:59 local train to Matsudo at the latest, but I’m guessing that I might not catch the first train out each time, so I am going to allow myself a little leeway. Hopefully it won’t be too terribly boring. I know I am going to be very attentive, I need to figure out what these people are looking for from me so I can get off of probation pay as soon as possible. Ash said that they’ve been making a habit in this area of extended probation.

I am concerned about my piercings. My wrist is pretty red, and has been flaking a lot lately. I don’t know if this is because of callous forming, or because I am having a reaction to the metal. My right nipple was trying to eat the bar for a bit, and despite having had the bar extended, the sensitivity hasn’t gone down much. I brushed my nipple on the doorway coming in from the porch this morning, and it stung something awful. I would hate to have to take them out, so I am going to give them another week or so before reviewing the situation. I am going to start using moisturizing lotion on my wrist, so see if that helps at all.

I’m excited to get started. I know that it will be awkward for a little bit, but they’ve been doing this for years with people far less adept than myself at picking up new things, so I am confident that I will get the hang of it. I was scared to death when I started being a cashier, and look how that turned out. Fastest the store’s had in years, and with a phenomenally high accuracy rate. And besides, they’re paying me to talk to people, and encourage good communication. All I ever do is talk, given the right circumstances, and everyong knows how much of a stickler for proper grammar I am. Aside from you know, getting paid, I think this is going to be a really good experience. Greg mentioned that he went through a time where all he heard was trash talk about store politics, and the nature of our employ, but he got over it realizing that he was there to have a good time, and it’s worked out really well for him. Not to mention he’s been promoted within 6 months. So I will keep that in mind, and try early on to pick an area in which I can specialize, thusly increasing my likelihood of being promoted in that area.

10-30

10-30 7:40am – Day 3 – One Last Free Day

So Friday was the Alien Registration card, Saturday was scoping out the headquarters, so then what of today? Well, I think thank since the last two days were dedicated to other places, I should spend today here, getting to know where local shops are, and finding accessories for my room. I need to make sure I have everything I need to function normally out here. I wanna find some stuff for my walls, so it won’t look so barren in here. I mean, it’s not like this is a huge room to begin with, and I know that covering the walls will bring them in a bit, but, the sterility of this place is starting to get to me. That, and I am going to need some horizontal space to place things, and some more coat hangers.

I wonder about the tapestries in our apartment, if they were brought here by Ash or Tim, or they were purchased here. I am going to go down to that little accessory shop that Ash was talking about, and then head to the ばんざいや to check out used stuff and see if there’s anything cool there. Mwahaha, I figured out Japanese input on my laptop, but it will probably never transfer when I upload this. The sign out front of the BanzaiYa says “Put your hands up in the air! But not so high…” Lol. But not so high. I love it.

Walking around with Ash the other day on the way to the City Center, I noticed one of the first major distinctions between my and Ash’s perception of this place. Ash doesn’t speak any Japanese, and he’s figured out a way of life based on what he can see, and what he’s run into. We were walking down the street, and I mentioned the liquor store down the road, that Dan and I had spotted on the way the apartment the first night. リカーランド。 Doesn’t mean a whole lot to a passerby until you realize that the giant yellow building has Liquor Land written all over it. When I pointed it out, he said, “Oh really? Where?” My ability to read any amount of Japanese writing has already given me something of a distinct advantage getting by around here. But, perhaps in this case it will prove to be something of a disadvantage, given that I have a lot more options to spend my money.

Hiragana Katakana Romanji
あ　え　う　い　お　　ア　エ　ウ　イ　オ　　A E U I O
か　け　く　き　こ　　カ　ケ　ク　キ　コ　　Ka Ke Ku Ki Ko
さ　し　す　せ　そ　　サ　セ　ス　シ　ソ　　Sa Se Su Shi So
ま　め　む　み　も　　マ　メ　ム　ミ　モ　　Ma Me Mu Mi Mo
な　ね　ぬ　に　の　　ナ　ネ　ヌ　ニ　ノ　　Na Ne Nu Ni No
ら　れ　る　り　ろ　　ラ　レ　ル　リ　ロ　　Ra Re Ru Ri Ro
た　て　つ　ち　と　　タ　テ　ツ　チ　ト　　Ta Te Tsu Chi To
は　へ　ふ　ひ　ほ　　ハ　ヘ　フ　ヒ　ホ　　Ha He Hu Hi Ho
わ　　　　　　　を　　ワ　　　　　　　ヲ　　Wa Wo
ん　　　　　　　　　　ン　　　　　　　　　　N



1:20pm – Getting Set Up

• So, upon Ash’s recommendation, I took a walk a little further up the street where I’d normally turn right to head to the apartment, and looked around for the Home Dec. store he mentioned. It wasn’t exactly the Home Depot I had expected, or even the used furniture outlet I had as a contingency. It was more of a vacant indoor lot, with a couple of various building parts and some old grey, beaurocratic looking desks and some wire frame storage containers that were about the size of a small dog. Luckily for me, as I was keeping to the tradition of crossing only in crosswalks, I overshot on the way there and passed by this little tiny store which had, conveniently, this little stand thingie sitting out front for 900 yen. I kept that in mind as exactly what I was looking for a nightstand and made my way back towards the station.
• From there, I went to 松戸 (Matsudo) in search of an internet point to contact home, i.e. check MySpace. In this venture I was successful. On the 6th floor of some building near the station I paid 300 yen to spend about 45 minutes on the computer, doing my normal browsing and updating and so on. I still need to find a wireless internet connection so I can upload these posts to my blog, but I made a supplementary entry in the meantime. I emailed my father who received and replied to my email within minutes.
After I got done, I was walking up to the station again, and of course, spotted another internet joint that’s some sort of Manga pad, relaxation station. I will have to check that out at some point and see if they have WiFi, which would be just about the coolest thing ever.
Then, I headed back home, and not to 原宿 Harajuku, though I imagine this being Sunday dress up day, and the day before Halloween, it would have been pretty insane out there. When I got back to 三波柏 Minami Kashiwa, I stopped by the local friendly MacDonald’s (マクドノルド) which I can never pronounce correctly, and had the BLT (bacon lettuce tomato) burger, adorned with which was a delightful peppercorn mayonnaise.
I noticed that both the servers and the patrons who sat near me were not exactly leery, but definitely aware of me at all times. Not that I care, being a foreigner here has its advantages. First of all, I am not expected to abide by nearly any custom, though I do my best to follow them anyway. Well, except for crossing the street wherever I want, though I don’t cross on a red unlike some 外人。And second of all, those people that hang around on corners handing ads to people don't bother me, especially when they’re for things that clearly I wouldn’t have a chance of understanding. So basically, I get offered tissue paper and fans, which sometimes I have a use for, so it’s not all bad.
After 広ご飯 (lunch) I went to the drugstore and purchased Q-tips (the Q stands for Quality) and shampoo, plus whitening gum, and headed in the direction of that little shop I spotted earlier. When I arrived, I discovered that it was much larger inside than I had thought. It was a repository for older used goods, and though I would have liked to peruse the items more, I was on a mission. I went outside, said “これを買いたい” (I’d like to buy this) and lookie lookie it only cost 680 yen. After dusting it off, I paid the lady, and made off with my find.
So now I’m writing this on my beautiful, used, multi-level stand, which is perfect for my laptop, mouse, and personal effects. I’m sure when I post this there will be an accompanying photo. Now I won’t have to use the table in the living room to type sitting up, which I’m sure the roommates will appreciate. K, so now I just have to figure out what I am going to do with the rest of the day. Maybe teach myself to iron.


5:21pm – Something Other Than Ramen

I was talking with Ash this morning while boiling water. He looked at me as I prepped yet another bowl of ramen and suppositioned that “Man cannot live on ramen alone”. The fool. He clearly missed the last two months I spent in this country, and how well it worked out for me. So what if I developed rickets from lack of nutritive diversity? A little rickets never hurt anyone, except sailors, and people in third world countries, and just about anyone else who’s ever developed rickets.
But, to his credit, that is the only thing he’s seen me eat since being here. I told him that I do, in fact, eat other things, it’s just that he’s not around to see it since he’s at work.
So I ventured out after my last journey, and went to the local store and the produce rack across the street, and picked up some actual groceries. So now I have, as well as ramen, a loaf of bread, peanut cream, strawberry jam, rice snacks, some kind of half donut type things, carrots, and an enormous Asian pear to my name. I will make it a point when he comes home to eat something in front of him so he knows I’m not a complete bachelor.
Tim, my other, roommate commented on my situation with the Zen knowledge reserved for experienced Americans in another country: “You know, there’s fresh ramen too. It’s cheap!” I like Tim. He and I get along well. He’s from San Diego, and he’s half Japanese. His family here in Japan is from, lol, Hiroshima and Nagasaki. He says that when he says that to Japanese folks it takes them a minute to realize the irony of that statement. And I suppose I really shouldn’t be laughing about that either. Oh well.

Konnichiwa

Well, this isn`t the first journal entry I`ve written since being here, but, I have no way yet to upload the entries from my computer to a station here at the internet point. As soon as I get that figured out I will do so so you all can read what`s been going on here these first few days.

I had the weekend off since arriving to settle in and get used to my surroundings. I`m glad I found an internet point, otherwise I was going to start freaking out a little bit.

I registered as an alien the other day, went to Shinjuku to scope out the main headquarters for Nova, and spent some time filling out paperwork to get my bank account set up. Neat stuff.

This country is still how I remembered it. Beautiful when you`re not looking directly at anything, while you`re in the city. The smog creates a haze in the morning and the evening so you can`t really see much of the skyline. There are lots and lots of people, but not as many out here in Minama Kashiwa as there were in Mukogauka-yuen.

Anyway, this entry is mainly to let people know that I am, in fact, alive and well.
Werd.

10-28

10-28-05 First Morning

Jet Lag. Yeeesh. Last night I went to bed at what was, in Pacific Time, around 6 or 7 in the morning. It was like 10 at night here, but, they say that in order to get over jet lag the fastest that you have to stay up as late as you can, and then try to get up with the sun or schedule wherever you are. So, naturally, having gone to bed at 10 at night, I woke up promptly at about 5 in the morning fully rested and there was little to no way I was going to be able to get back to sleep. But, out of courtesy to my roommates I stayed in bed until around 9.

I met Tim today, he’s an American from Sacramento, been doing this for around 2 years. Ash, the Aussie, came home late in the evening last night, and he seems pretty cool too. I don’t think I am going to have a hard time living with either of these two guys, as long as I can do something about the bitter, sharp odor that lingers around this place. I assume it’s from vinegar from cooking rather than some other malodor emanating from one of the two of them, but, whatever it is I’ll find a way to get rid of it. I’ll just have to cook the crap out of some other things to take over the scent in the kitchen.

You really get the feeling like this is either some sort of extortion gig on the part of Nova, or that people really do live pretty humbly for the most part in this country. I know that being the last to arrive I got the smallest of the three rooms, but, I mean, I’m living in a water closet. Oh well, such is life. I imagine that after a time I will seek out my own place, outside of Nova’s influence, that way they can stop garnishing my wages and perhaps I’ll find a better, larger, maybe even cheaper place. Hell, maybe I can even talk Greg into looking for a place with me at some point. That would be all kinds of cool.

Greg’s going to be gone for a few more days, and I’ll probably be pretty well settled in by the time he arrives. That will be nice, because I wouldn’t want to be juggling trying to get a hold of him at the same time I’m trying to get my feet on the ground around here.

Anyway, I have to try to find my way to the Alien Registration center today to get my card, so I can have everything in order by the time I go to orientation in Shinjuku on Monday morning.
10-4.


2:32 pm – Getting Stuff Done

So I went down today and got a bunch of stuff done. Well, actually, I only got one thing done really, but it took a lot of effort and walking around so I am going to count it as a bunch of stuff. I went down to the City Center of Nagareyama, and registered as an alien there, and got my official statement of Alien Registration, so when I go to orientation on Monday, I will have all the paperwork I need to get my bank account set up, get my phone, set up my taxes, etc. I will use my alien card as my ID once I get it, which means I can keep my passport locked up, which will make me feel a bit more secure.

The city center is a little bit out there, you would figure it would be in a more accessible place, but, instead you have to take an odd combination of local stops and local access only trains to get there. The lady there was really very nice though, and made the process really easy. I am glad that Dan tore off and placed one of my address cards in my pocket first thing upon arrival yesterday, otherwise I would have had almost none of the information I needed today while registering.
Ash was nice enough to escort me out there, so afterwards I offered to take him out to lunch before he hit the gym. The place that he took me to in Matsudo proper was pretty full, so instead, we (you’ll like this Amanda) went to Starbucks. The fucking thing was exactly, exactly like Starbucks back home. I had my usual espresso and a small sandwich, and that was that. Weird. I suspect that will be one of the last times I eat at such a blatantly American restaurant. I don’t really want to be a part of that. I get the impression that Ash sticks mostly to places like that, or at least places that have something of an American influence, since he doesn’t really speak any Japanese. I aim to avoid that.
I had my first real immersion into the Japanese language today at the City Center. By immersion I really mean dive head first. It’s weird, if you never say a word of Japanese to someone, they talk to you in broken English and you manage. But the moment you ask them a question in Japanese, or use Japanese to clarify something you didn’t quite fully understand, it’s all over. The floodgates are open. From that point on it’s all in Japanese, with English used to punctuate important points, or to ease dumbfounded looks. She was pointing out fields on the form that I needed to fill out, one of which was phone number. So I looked at her, and instead of being half understood in English, I decided to just throw out one of the few phrases that come easily to me still in Japanese. Eeto ne, ima denwa bango wa nai, daijyobu desuka? (Umm, I don’t have a phone number right now, is that alright?) Ooooh Lordy, things got interesting after that. But you could tell it took a load off her shoulders, so, I kinda ran with it. And besides, after that, I’ve been thinking increasingly in Japanese, which is good.
Now I’m back home, after stopping off at the local Family Mart (7-11 equiv.) and picking up some ocha and some ramen bowls for light meals. It’s fun tossing out the occasional arigatou gozaimasu (thanks), they never see that coming, what with the good accent I’ve been blessed with. I think that’s what gets me into so much trouble, that unlike Ash, whose Japanese accent is atrocious at best, when I speak in Japanese it sounds as if I know whatever I’m saying actually means, rather than speaking from rote memorization or parroting. I took a moment to compile my paperwork for orientation, and now all I have to do today is wait around (matsu) and smoke cigarettes (tobako o suu) until my luggage arrives between 6-8pm.
Note to self: The extortion gig I figured this job was appears to be the truth, from what Ash says. The majority of which comes from the living situations. I’m living in a water closet currently, so, look for a new place as soon as it becomes affordable. That’s gonna be how I pocket any amount of money. Additionally, play along with the game overtly, otherwise my probationary period will be extended and I won’t get my raise until 6 months or so instead of 3.



4:36pm – Finances

I did a rough calculation of the cost of living out here, to figure out what I have to be making each month in order to keep afloat. I didn’t factor into it the cost of insurance, which I will need the amount for when I go to orientation, but I figure I will need around 125000 yen each month to cover food, rent, phone, and loan/credit payments. That works out to just over $1200 a month. Which means that I have to be making more than that. I know that part time workers make a bunch less than full time, but I don’t know exactly what my salary here will be, and I need to remember to ask for a copy of my contract when I go in to orientation. I also need to know the exact amount of my salary, so I can budget accordingly.
My calculations used a pretty sparing estimation for food, so, I really have my fingers crossed that I will be making somewhere in the area of 200000 yen per month. I think I remember those estimates from when I was checking salary information online, but, that might have been for full time, and there’s also the matter of the probationary period for the first three to six months of work. For all I know, I could be making 160000/mo, which would barely cover my expenses, especially after travel and convenience, which will be covered by Nova but still has to be spent.
As much as I hate to admit it, aside from the incredible experience I will have here, the primary purpose of my being here is monetary in nature. Back home, I was paying $280 a month in rent, here I pay ~$590. I am paying $310 more a month here in rent alone, so that means I have to be making at least that much more. Now, I can only assume that I will be, I have to be, but who knows anymore. Living in Eugene, I had more credit expenses, but I didn’t have my student loans to worry about. I have taken on quite a bit larger financial burdens, despite having unloaded some too. Basically, it just works out to that I need to be making a lot more here to not go under. I can plan to have a fairly meager phone plan, since I don’t anticipate at least at first needing to make many phone calls, aside from to Greg and any friends I make in the first few months.
I guess what that means at least for now is that when either Tim or Ash get home, I need to ask them what they were making when they first got hired, and what they’re making now, so I can get a feel for where I’ll stand.


9:15pm – Not So Hot

It’s getting cold at night. It was warm during the day, but, night time? Not so much. The AirCon doesn’t do warm, just cool. We were hoping it was a dual function, but it appears, much to my chagrin, that it is not. Either that or I was inept pushing buttons on the controller in an attempt to get warm air to come out. It appears that either I will be wearing many, many layers this winter or we are going to have to seek out space heaters, and quickly at that. I can’t stand to be cold, and I am certainly not going to go the entirety of this winter wearing as many layers as I own. I’m sure Ash will empathize, being Australian and all.

10-26/27

10-26/27, 2005 I’m on a Plane

Well, according to the in flight map I’m coming up on 5,847 km from home. Fucking metric system. That’s just around 3,645 miles. I guess I ought to stop using that term, home really doesn’t describe Tualatin, or Eugene anymore. Neither of the two are really my home, Japan is. Not quite yet, but, it will be as soon as I set foot off this plane.
The weird thing about this flight is that since we are flying in the same direction as the sun, we are flying in daylight the whole 11 hours we’ll be in the air. We departed Portland at 2pm, and will be arriving at 5pm in Tokyo. Weird how that works, especially since it was the 26th when I left and when I arrive it will be the 27th. It’s weird, watching the cabin get darker and the people on the plane start taking naps, when it’s still light outside. It’s 8:45pm in Portland right now, I’ve been on this plane almost 7 hours, so I guess I can understand the desire to sleep, but, for me as long as the sun is up, I’m awake. If I could be on a plane flying with the sun all day, forever, I don’t think I’d ever need to sleep.

I guess I ought to review my arrival information, just to make sure that I have any clue whatsoever where I’m going when I get there. I know I need to take an express from Narita to say, Ueno, or Tokyo proper, and from there hop on the Joban line to Minami Kashiwa, and on to my apartment. I’m supposing that’s where the representative they will have waiting for me will come in, and go out there with me.

Someone has been fucking farting on this plane, and it’s pissing me the hell off. Cause the airjets here just re-circulate the air, so, somewhere, some asshole is wide open blowing off steam, and I have to take it all in like the sonofabitch were sitting next to me. Thanks, asshole.

Anyway, so here I am. So far I’ve watched Dark Water, and The Fantastic Four. Maybe I’ll take in another movie of my choice before landing. Maybe I’ll just chill and write on my laptop and listen to music. Who knows. I can pretty much write as long as I want, stream of consciousness is cool like that. Or verbose, one of the two.


K, so I’ve been thinking about the nature of time, and the relatively poor way in which we’ve decided to measure it. This shit runs through my mind when I’m on a plane. I’m 23 years old. That means, by our terms, that I have lived long enough for the Earth to orbit the Sun 23 times. There are 365.25 days in a year because the Earth revolves around its own axis that many times in the time it takes to go around the Sun.
So, when one day goes by for me, I am at the same point on the Earth’s axis that I was 24 hours earlier. But if I’m on a plane, flying against the Sun, let’s say, at the exact same speed that the Earth rotates, then it would take 12 hours to reach the same point on the Earth again. So would that be a day? If I flew against the Sun like that 365 times, would a year have gone by? Yes and no, I guess. For me, 365 ‘days’ i.e. rotations would have elapsed, but to anyone else on the ground, I would have to do that 730.5 times.

I guess what I’m getting at here is that the only unit of measure we really can apply universally are minutes, seconds, and hours, plus the fractions of seconds. Anything longer than that is relative, dependent on planets or solar systems, and even then what we have left is arbitrary. You would kind of have to know the least amount of time that can possibly elapse, find an actual, quantifiable unit of time that is applicable, and then use multiples of that length to create a physically accurate measure of time that isn’t purely arbitrary. Have we done that yet? I’m curious.

This is It.

This is my last post prior to moving to Japan. This is the last night I will spend chillen on the downstairs couch thinking about crap, packing, and contemplating my impending fate.

It's nuts. I'm standing on the precipice of a freefall and though I have every thing I need to land on my feet, it's hard to believe that I am really about to jump.

When I was up in that plane, it didn't even occur to me what I was about to do until I was standing at the edge. While I was falling, I had no idea what was going on, but as soon as I figured out how to breathe, I took a look around and the beauty of it all far outweighed any fear I might have had. I envision this trip to be much the same.

I will admit, however, that this soon after my jump, it will be weird going up in a plane and then not jumping out of it once we hit 14,000 feet.

Wish me luck. I won't need it, but it's nice to know the world has my back.

Oh, and go Sox. 3-0, after 5 innings of overtime.

I will leave this with a question posed in Vladimir Solovyov's The Meaning of Love:
"It is well known to everyone that in love there inevitably exists a special idealization of the beloved object, which presents itself to the lover in a completely different light from that in which outsiders see it. I speak here of light not merely in a metaphorical sense; it is a matter not only of a special moral and intellectual evaluation, but also of a special sensuous perception: the lover really sees, visually perceives, what others do not. And if for him too this light of love quickly disappears, yet does it follow from this that it was false, that it was only a subjective illusion?"

Kind of like goodbye...

I spent most of today packing. Got most all of my clothes all packed up between two suitcases. Now I just have to go through the entirety of the rest of my personal belongings and figure out which ones I want to cram into my luggage, which are to be kept in cold storage i.e. the garage, and which will be sent off to some charity or other. Oh, and go to the DMV, and call my cell phone company, and pay some bills, and hang out with Cole, and Annie, and call Nina, and so on and so forth.

I went over to Nina's place, after a little confusion, and spent some time with her, my last visit before leaving. It's weird, knowing that I spent the entire summer with her until she and Andy hooked up and then so little afterwards. We were supposed to have a little heart to heart tonight, but it didn't really seem to happen quite like I thought it would. After we got back from grabbing a bite to eat Andy was sleepy and a bit cranky, and lo and behold, in the middle of watching The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a fight erupted which could have easily been predicted. Apparently he's worried that she is seeing her ex behind his back, and a rather loud, emotional, and predictable shouting match ensued. He called her some things which no person innocent of those charges should ever be called, and I was kinda put in an awkward position sitting through that on the last night I will spend with her here in the states.

But, oh well. Such is to be expected in my life anymore.

After the spectacular turnout at my going away party, and the parties previous to that, and just about everything I do recently, I really didn't expect much. That's not to say I'm losing my already nearly nonexistent faith in humanity or anything, but, I've just started to become accustomed to being let down by people. I think I expect things to be the way they were when none of us had other things going on in our lives and we could all come together with little notice and little reason to share some alcohol, stories, cigarettes and saliva. I think I understand a little more why my parents don't have many friends, and certainly not parties. Nobody wants to leave their house after like 22. Ugh. Silly people and being comfortable. I've pretty much made it a life goal to never get comfortable with much anything.

Anyway, I'm outta here coming up in like 36 hours or so. I took some good pics around Nina's house before going up, and that was cool. She of course cried when I left. I cross my fingers for that girl, I really hope she gets her shit together and makes something more of herself than the girlfriend of a guy who makes her unhappy. Not to say that's where she is now, but, tonight, I'm starting to think she may be coming close once again. She asked me what she was going to do without me around.

I'd ask myself the same question, but I'm terribly afraid I already know the answer.

AMANDA

I'll be specific here so as not to raise doubt through ambiguity:

My last post was purely rhetorical. I watched last night while playing pool a man act very jealous and very posessive over the girl he was with. Tyler and I played pool, and asked me why I still talked to Andrea, which he could only have known were he still checking up on her MySpace page where I left a note. I asked myself, is he still hurting over all that?

Which is what prompted me to write the previous entry when I got home. There is no one in specific I am referring to, despite what you may think. Other entries have been about someone in particular, but I don't name names because being a public journal I don't think it's entirely appropriate. It's not, however, so that whoever reads it thinks it's about them. That would be bullshit. Mostly because not enough people look at this to care in the first place, but more because that would be really juvenile.

Now, with that said, I will no longer spend any more of my time explaining myself to you. I know you're worried that I'm up to some sort of no good, but, if you're going to have a friendship with me or are want to not stress about this all the time, you're just going to have to let that go. I'm not doing anything shady.

A Reminder

Just had to remind myself that even though a girl can be what seems like the girl of your dreams, there is no one, no woman, no person, in this world worth hurting over. There is no one that is worth putting yourself through self doubt, or being jealous over.

Don't ever let yourself fall into that. If you should ever find yourself in that position over a friend or a member of the opposite sex, do away with it. Distance yourself from it. No matter how great you think they are, if you would ever be jealous, or would ever hurt or worry because of them, it wasn't a healthy relationship to begin with, and there is better out there. Don't let your idealization of a person get in the way of your happiness. Statistically speaking, there is guaranteed to be someone out there capable of having the kind of relationship with you you're looking for. Assuming, of course, you're emotionally stable enough to provide your half of a healthy relationship. If you aren't, then what are you doing looking for one in the first place?

P.S. If the Sox win the World Series I'll shit myself from joy. Go Sox.

Out of my mind

So, I kinda jumped out of a plane yesterday.

There really aren't words to describe what that was like. If I were to write about it, this post would be as long as all the rest of them combined. So, yea, we're just gonna leave it at that.

Yesterday was also my going away party. Erik, MiA, and Whitney came. I met up with Christian at one point. I stopped by Nina's place, and my friend Jenny's party. That was it. Three guests. Four, including Anne-Marie's guest appearance early on. Thanks guys, nice havin ya there.

But yea, jumped out of a plane.

Go Sox.

I need to start packing.

A Freakin Week

That's all I have left. Seven days. How nuts is that? It's crazy to me, to think of how this has gone from an idea, to a process, to an execution, to becoming my reality. I mean, in one week, I will be on a plane, with everything I have, and will be on my way to starting a completely new life, as a minority, as a novelty, as a young man. No longer will I ever be able to say that I am too young to care about something, this is the beginning of my transition into manhood. Which is not to say I won't still do crazy shit and enjoy every minute of it, but, damn.

I remember growing up that I could never imagine what my life would be like past the age of 18. 18 was the magic year, that something crazy would happen that was so beyond comprehension that speculation could never come close. And here I am, five years past that point. But, to be honest, every single day is a surprise to me, and my prediction was right in that every day since then has been without vision. I never even planned to be this old, much less what I would do were something cataclysmic not to occur. I honestly don't know how I've made it this far, and done what I've done coasting from day to day how I have. But now I have a plan, at least for the next two years. Nothing like what I thought, but who's life ever is?

And, in keeping with the nature of all journals I keep, I have to talk about girls. I almost resent in a way the fact that my feelings towards women in my life are admittedly the one thing that gives me cold feet about moving. It's like, I get ready to leave, and then of course, like clockwork, there is someone in my life that makes leaving for several years seem like a horrible idea. I wanted to miss nothing and no one when I leave, and I know now that I will, for sure, and a lot. Ugh. Curse you women, and your capacity to make me want to abandon everything to give myself to you.

I'll just cross my fingers that when I come back, she'll be at a similar point in her life, where being in a serious, potentially forever kinda relationship is in the cards. Cause that would be nice. I'd have no problem with that.

Sox are going to the World Series this year. Which rocks, by the way. I know Jacki is flipping out happy about that. I'm looking forward to it since they haven't won a World Series since 1918.


I went with Cole today and watched "Waiting", which had potential to be hillarious but was majoritally funny instead. It had a ton of good people in it and all, but, it kinda fell through in some points of the plot. Then again, i was expecting it to be the typical comedy in that style where people learn the error of their ways and grow and change and all that goood stuff. But then, in following with the kind of humor made popular by Napoleon Dynamite, it only makes sense that they not do all those things, and leave some things unaddressed or unresolved. I dunno, all in all I approe, think it was funny, but I won't be buying it.

More later.

Shouting out

Came back from Eugene/Corvallis a night early. Couldn't find a place to stay in Corvallis, the people I was supposed to see, and possibly stay with, flaked out and weren't able to be gotten ahold of. I saw one person for about 20 minutes when I first arrived, but that was about it.

more when I feel like writing it all down. this is just a reminder to write this entry.

notes to individuals to come shortly.
-------

I guess I feel more diappointed than anything else. I also am not aware entirely how I should direct that disappointment. Should I feel let down by my friends, assume that they received and ignored my calls and text messages? Should I then feel let down by them that they didn't think I was worth dropping what they might have been doing, or keeping in mind the possibility of my being there? Or even just let me know that they're not gonna be able to get together? But I didn't even get that. I got silence. Utter, painful, absolute silence.

Or should I be disappointed in myself, for failing to cultivate strong enough friendships with these people that my departure isn't a big a deal to them as I thought it should be?

This is, I suppose, my quandary. Who do I hold responsible for this? Is it really as big a deal as I am making it out to be? Should I, given their expression, care as little about the evening and these people as they appear to? That's the hard part for me, I guess. I care way too much about the opinions of others, and I tend to blame myself for failing to meet their expectations. And I tend to want my relationships with people to be somewhere on the order of profound, because that's how I feel about friendships. Each person in my life is something unique, every friendship immensely valuable, regardless of how close we really are, or how often we see one another.

So I guess that's where I know I'm at fault in the matter. I, probably unlike a lot of my friends, assign great value to even the most distant of acquaintances. When someone I barely know tells me I will never probably see them again, I always genuinely, and seriously, wish them well, connect with them for that brief moment to tell them I appreciate knowing them. It's just what's right, for me. And in that way, I make real to me the ways in which I am different, and my experiences are different because of them.

Call me crazy, but I think that'd be worth putting off washing your hair, or watching that TV movie that you own a copy of, or even telling that cute boy you're with that you are gonna have to come with, or take a raincheck on the evening of false pretense and making out.

10-4, David out.

Back in Black

I dyed my hair black again today. What a relief. Oh man. You know, after so long, you kinda lose track of what your hair looked like when you first dyed it. I certainly did. I had completely forgotten just how fuckin badass I am with freshly dyed hair. Badass. Supremely so.

It's a complete change in perspective, honestly. And it's weird the way that change can affect your view on life, your attitude, so many things. I really actually feel better about myself right now than I did before dying my hair. What's the deal with that? It's not like I'm really any different, it's just the color of my hair. But there IS something about it which really appeals to me.

Eh, oh well. It works, and I'm just gonna roll with it.

Went out for drinks with Cole at the Portland City Grill tonight, then met up with Lauren for a chat later. Nice seeing her again. That's two nights in a row I've been surprised by former co-workers dropping me a line. I like that. I'm excited to see her again when I go down to the Euge this weekend. I sat down this morning and wrote out some plans for what I need to get done before leaving, and scheduled them. I know I have a lot to do, but a lot of those things include goodbyes, so, I think i will be gone three or four days starting on Saturday to get that done. I have to somehow manage to say goodbye to almost my entire life in that time. Yeesh.

And I still need to plan my party. A week's notice is hardly enough, but better now than never.

The Schwoozh Cut

Heh....Neil called me just now. God I miss that fucker. See, this is the sort of thing that I mean when I say that I don't want to forget about anyone that I care about but haven't talked to in a while. I miss that kid so damned much.

I've been smiling since the moment he called me. We just shoot the shit, it's great. All we talk about are new Magic Cards that have come out, and the displays at the MOC we hate so much, and shit like that, but damn. Our friendship is so genuine, so down to Earth. There's not a thing in the world that makes me happier than the sheer innocence of our friendship. Neil's the kid down the street that you go on bike rides with and spend all afternoon with and are bummed out cause you have to go home and have dinner. Except he's like 35, and has a daughter.

Talking to him seriously makes me feel good inside all over again. Neil was one of my closest friends during the last year of my life. Once he and I started talking to each other at work, things just got better. No matter what was going on in my life, showing up at work and seeing that kid walkin around being goofy and making WHACHIIIIIING noises around the store just makes everything right.

It makes me feel silly sometimes, that two grown men, he significantly more so than myself, get together and play video games after work, or cards, or whatever the hell. It's like, in your life, when all you're trying to do is be mature, and keep your head above water, how incredible is it to meet someone who, even though he's in just as deep as you, still has his head in the clouds? That man has been a beacon of hope for me in so many circumstances. When he's down, there's nothing more I want than to be there for him and see him happy again. I Love that kid with all my heart. I honestly do. When I left, he was so sad, and honestly I was too. And not in the way that you miss most people, but in the way you felt sad when you moved away from home when you were 8.

I don't know if friendships like that are possible between just anyone, if somehow our friendship was one in a million, and I was just lucky to stumble upon it how I did. Could anyone have that kind of friendship with him, or was our something unique and special in the world? It doesn't matter really, because it's there, and I hope it never, ever goes away. Neil's the kind of guy I want in my life forever. I care about his little daughter Ally like she were my niece.

So Neil, this goes out to you. Thank you for being a light in my life since I've known you. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face I couldn't possibly hope to wipe away, and rekindling the flame in my heart I had feared faded away with the passing of my childhood.

Two weeks

This time two weeks from now I will be on a plane on my way to Japan. How messed up is that?

I seriously can't handle that. The immediacy of my departure is really starting to hit home, and I am realizing more and more than my agenda prior to leaving is quickly becoming very much filled up and very much important in every aspect to accomplish immediately. Which sucks, because it means that I am going to have a very hectic two weeks. It means that I am never going to get to relax, not from now until like a month after I get settled in in Japan. Ugh. Oh well.

I have to pack all my shit. Not only do I have to pack all my shit but I have to sort through all of it and throw away or donate or sell almost all of it in the process. And not just the stuff I use on an everyday basis, but everything I own. Everything in my room that I held on to since I was a little kid and said "This is the kind of stuff I am going to want to hold onto forever" like the notes that I got from ex girlfriends, and the bottle trophies I kept from freshman year college. Things like that. The drawer fulls of old fireworks and prisms and cigarette boxes. The decade old unused condoms I stashed away just in case my 13 year old ass found myself in need. The porn I hid between drawers, which, I suppose I don't really need to get rid of because they're so well hid, but probably should because who knows what kind of renovation they might do in there.

I have to get all my stuff in order, plan my going away party, make sure I have enough money for my plane ticket, see my friends and say my goodbyes. I have a lot of those to say, which is good. I have trips to several cities to make, and a lot of things I need to say to a lot of people which I will either never see again, or whose lives will be so very different when I get back. There are people who I need to tell just how I feel about them, like the girl who every time I see I just fall head over heels for a little bit more but don't know how to tell.

I have to touch up on my Japanese, I have to relearn what it is to live in the biggest city in the world. But most of all I have to prepare myself psychologically to leave this place behind. To leave this life I've been living all these years and all this summer behind. I have to prepare myself to leap into not only something foreign to me but something which is very much dynamic, and very much fast paced. I am going to arrive there, settle in , and the next day start in on training to teach english, and all the things they hired me to do. And somehow, some way I have to handle that all in stride, I have to settle in and start in on it like it's somehow not a big deal. Which, knowing myself, I'm fully capable of, but am nonetheless nervous and a little bit apprehensive about.

All these things are running through my head, and honestly I don't know what I am going to do about them all. I suppose my only option is to just buckle down and start doing things, bug no matter how hard I try to get a handle on them I just can't get over the fact that no matter what I do and how much I get things in order there are always going to be those few things that I didn't think of, that one bill or that one friendship that I took so much for granted that I didn't even bother to think that I would still have to think about it once I left.

I wish that I could leave here with an absolutely clean slate, but no, I have credit card debt and college loans and insurance and friendships and all manner of things which of course I will never even consider until I am long gone. Ugh, I know it is going to take me a long while to really get everything settled in. And I console myself with this one thing: After I do get settled in, the only things I will have held on to are those things which are so important I couldn't leave them behind. In the biggest, most meaningful way possible, I will have trimmed the fat of my life forever, and I will never have to look back on those things I abandoned. I just hope those things don't include friendships or people about whom I genuinely care.

*sigh* more clarification

I feel as if, in light of certain events, I should clarify a little more the nature of this journal. I've been reminded, once again, that prior to recently making the contents of this journal publicly viewable, this was very much a private journal. The fact that I have left those entries viewable is a reflection of my willingness to let people in, to see what goes on inside my head while I deal with problems.

The problem with that is, that along with it does not come an explanation of the implications my comments carry with them.

My psyche handles problems in the following way:
Something happens, I think about it. A lot. I mull on it, I come to a decision on how I feel, or that I don't know how I feel.

When I can't get it out of my head for long enough, I take a big dump right here in the journal. This is my way of putting into words what's going through my head, and articulate it in such a way as to make it concrete and a real idea instead of a bunch of shit running around in my head.
In doing so, I am able to make that issue, and my feelings about it tangible, and as such, when I am done writing it, and publishing it, I am able to walk away from it, feeling better and knowing where I stand.

I write some really depressing shit in here some times. I write some really offensive shit in here as well. I write some private things about my feelings, and my views on the world. KNOW THIS: Just about everything I write in here is dead the moment it hits the page. Those feelings are done. I have moved on. My publishing them here is the end of their effect on my life. Contrary to most people's abilities, I am capable of leaving it all on paper, and I DO. I am not a hugely negative or depressed person, I am accountable to my drug use which is not out of control, nor nearly as bad as I make it out to be.

I take things off the deep end when I write them; it's my way of seeing how ridiculous some things can be. I tend to be poetic; it's a function of my natural ability to put things into words. A lot of you might recognize this in my sounding cliche a lot, or sound in conversation like I'm using lines. I'm sorry. I can't help it if that's just the way I talk. It's my dairy, so deal with it.

This journal is almost entirely comprised of my past. My Past. Don't interpret what I say here as a reflection of my present or future feelings.
Here are some more do's and don'ts:

Don't be surprised if you never hear me talk about anything that's written here in real life
I'm a private person when it comes to many issues, and if I wanted to talk to someone about it, I'd have done it already. That doesn't mean you can't ask me about things, by all means do, just recognize that it's in the past already, and it won't carry so much weight with me by then.

Do realize that I am posting my thoughts publicly because I know, for many of my friends, there is the feeling like I am too withdrawn, and that people never know what's going on in my life anymore.
This journal is my way of letting people know what goes on with me in a way I'm comfortable. I make it so anyone can comment, and encourage it. Like I said, I probably won't talk about it face to face, so I am doing this so people don't think it's that I don't trust them, or want them to know. That, and after it's done with, it's not a big deal to discuss, just as long as you don't think it's still an issue unless I clearly say it is.

Don't keep your feelings about my posts to yourselves
Or worse, discuss them with other people and not me. If you have something to say, say it to me. I don't care if I hear about it a thousand times. I don't want one elected representative to come to me and express concern. That's crap. I want YOUR opinion, not the opinion of the group. And don't be afraid to either, I'm more happy to hear that you care. You're not going to to offend me unless you really cross some lines.


Don't transpose the image I present of my feelings and state of mind in this journal on to the Me you see when we hang out
Big mistake. I wouldn't want to hang out with the me I see on here. He's kind of a drag. I'd be worried about him too, in a big way. Don't worry guys, seriously. Once it's out here, it's gone. This stuff doesn't touch me any longer. I put it down on paper because I'm ready to leave it behind. This journal is the garbage can for all the crap I deal with, and I don't delete it all because the last thing I want to do is forget my past and as such repeat it.

I hope that you all notice there's a huge discrepancy between how I present my life here and how I handle myself face to face. It's not because I'm putting on an act, and don't want people to notice I'm depressed or a junkie or something. Seriously. It's because I leave my shit here, so I can be happy in life and not have this stuff weigh down on me. I want to enjoy my time with you, my friends, and this place exists to make that possible. That's why this isn't David's Happy Go Lucky Journal of Love and Happiness and All-That's-Good-In-The-World. Which would all make us gag anyway and wouldn't be much of a read.o

K? Got it? Any questions?

Mouthpieces and white socks.

Er, I mean Sox. Go White Sox.
Except I have this curse, where whatever team I want to win can't. So maybe I ought to turn the game off.

Anyway, I have this mouthpiece, a Monette, gold plated B4L mouthpiece for my trumpet, which I put up on eBay along with my trumpet a bit ago, both of which sold. Well, as it turns out, the "poor college kid" who bought my mouthpiece backed out of the sale. He's supposedly going to send me $8 to cover the listing fees, but who knows if he is going to do that. Anyway, the mouthpiece sold for $135 last time, Buy It Now...within a day of being up on auction.

This time around, the bidding started at $75, and has been bid up to a whopping $76, with 3 days left. I've got a couple of guys who asked about shipping to Italy, two different people, so hopefully they will throw some bids down there at the end. I would hate to have to end up selling my mouthpiece for $50 less than what someone else already had agreed to buy it for. I should make the other guy pay the difference between what it sells for and what he agreed to pay.

So I'm going to cross my fingers and hope those Italians go nuts on it, and I actually get some money.

Moral is: Deadbeat bidders can burn in a very very special level of Hell, the kind reserved for child molesters, and people who talk at the theatre.

TV I like.

So I'm watchin the Daily Show, presumably for 10/10, with Viggo Mortensen as the guest.
And he comes out in this suit, really well dressed, really sharp. His new movie, A History of Violence came out recently, and it's an awesome movie which I'm assuming he was there to promote. Anyway, he's really kinda quiet during the interview, and at one point, without even making a big deal out of it, he goes to take a sip of his water, and then pulls out a rubber snake. And then another. And another. Then a frog. Then a smaller snake. Then another frog.

And then he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handful of them. And throws them into the audience.

All the while, John Stewart is trying to figure out what the heeck is going on, and I am just laughing and crying and rolling around. Stewart at one point says "I don't think I've ever seen such a handsome man do something quite so...lowbrow." Here's the re-cap from some website:

Mortensen has a seat and takes a sip from his mug. A few moments later, he looks surprised as he pulls a bunch of toy snakes from the cup... then a lizard... then a bright blue snake. What the hell is this? He then produces more from his suit pockets and throws them into the audience. I'm not quite sure what just happened. Jon Stewart doesn't seem to sure either because he says, "I've never seen someone this handsome go this low-brow" and adding that Mortensen might've just gotten himself "un-laid".


I love The Daily Show. Best damned show on TV, now that Firefly isn't on anymore.

And now folks, the moment you've all been waiting for, your moment of Zen:
The Video Clip Itself

Crossing over.

Friend:I think she's a lesbian
both *name excluded* and the cat

Me: lol.
you think *she* crossed over huh?

well....
5:30 PM
its kinda hard to tell, she had a really bad relationship and thats like turned her against men
and then she gained a bunch of wieght and maybe she's depressed or something

lol uhoh. yea, I was just thinking
it only takes one harsh breakup after gainin The Weight to really turn someone against themselves like that.

I didn't do that

cause they pick the one thing they hate about themselves, then blam ethe breakup on that, and then.....

I stayed alright
I try anways

"how could he break up with me cause of my weight? I can't believe men are so shallow, that's all they care about." then the women who have gained weight and hate men for recognizing that they're fat, get together and love one another to feel better about being fat and not doing anything about it.

lol
nice philosophy there dear

you know you see it in action every day.

oh yea
well its annoying cuz *she* never does anything, all she did for a WEEK straight was lay in bed and watch sex and the city
I'm not kidding you
I was like, how bout you get yer ass out of bed and lets go do something...and she was like, nah, then I'd have to like, take a shower and do my hair and make up...

oh no.
it's already begun. it's worse than I thought.

oh yea

she might go hippie too.

Pajama Jammy Jam

Is the name of the party I went to last night. Shannon, DJ Princess, helped throw it with the help of 1001 something something productions, not that I'm out to plug anyone.

It was a blast, I haven't danced that much in a long, long time. The primary stage was playing some really, really good shit, and it was fun bouncing around until 5 in the morning. Shannon rented out this warehouse type thing, the venue was pretty large, so you didn't run into the typical, way too many e-tarded kids sweating and falling all over themselves all in one place. They had room to sweat and fall and not disturb anyone else. That was nice.

I went with Andrea and her friend Michelle, who, while following them to the venue, I think managed an amazing 5 u-turns before arriving. I was impressed. Oh, and not only that, but, at one point we were driving 45mph on 217. 45. What the fuck is that? You can always tell when someone has been drinking, or isn't sober when they're behind the wheel because they eithe drive way too fast, or they drive exactly, dead on the speed limit, regardless of traffic. We were stuck behind this car for like 5 minutes, and we were going 5 under, but, of course, rather than making themselves visible by doing something absurd like, say, passing some slowass, they peg it at the same speed and just kinda cruise.

I know it's all a matter of seconds when it comes to total time in transit, but, come on. Seriously. 45? On a highway where the speed is 60? I'd get pulled over for doing 15 over, I'd say that doing 15 under is equally deserving of some attention.

Anyway, so I'm all fuckin retarded today, trying to take vitamins, and eat salty foods as best I can, but shit, I mean I have absolutely no appetite. Not to mention no real desire to do a whole of anything. But that's to be expected. After dinner I'll feel a lot better. Last night coming down it was the wierdest thing. I watched Andrea and Michelle just crash out, I mean, hard, but I was Mr. Energy for almost the entire night. If I stop thinking about how worn out I am, and how sore my fucking neck is, I'm still actually in a pretty good mood. I think it's cause I went halvsies, and spread mine out over a couple hours. Slow up, slow down. I think if I'm going to do one pill in night, that's how I'll roll from here on out. Then again, after I leave for Japan, there's really not going to be much in the way of occasion to do that, so, nevermind. It'll be a purely hypothetical plan for the future.

Tonight I'm going to go meet up with L'Erin, who I haven't seen in ages. Hopefully, she'll call me when she goes out to Bushwhackers, the local hick bar here in Tualatin. I have to admit, though tonight won't be excessive by any means, I'm thankful for it. Cause tomorrow night for the Thrice show, I'll probably go way off the deep end, and then the next day for Coheed and Cambria...sheesh. I am going to spend the next week sleeping this off. Come on Liver, you can doooeeeeeeeet!

Shopping spree

Whew. Wow. That was certainly a kick in the capitalist pants.
I spent hundreds of dollars today, somewhere around $600 on clothes, to prepare for my trip to Japan. I scratched items off the list in my previous entry, damn near all of them actually. Dad sent me to the mall to take care of whatever I needed, and I certainly did. I knew, of course, that whatever I got, he would tell me it wasn't enough, or it wasn't the right size, or something.
Well, yea, I pretty much called it. "Not enough dress shirts! Not enough slacks! Everything's too small! How are you going to wear all this?!"

I just kinda laugh anymore when he does this. My dad doesn't seem to understand the concept of fitted clothes, either that or he's stuck in that part of my life where everything I bought was a size or two too big, not because I was concerned about them shrinking, but more because I wanted baggy clothes. So now when I come home with shirts that are mediums, and jeans that, ya know, fit, he freaks out. I mean, I understand his concern, but at the same time I've been doing this long enough to know what is fitted and what's just plain too small. Especially with jeans. He fails to see the fact that I will live in these jeans for the next month or so, and they will be worn in, well worn in.

But man, I bought a lot. And people at the mall are weeeeeird. People who are at the mall when school is in session are weeeeird. Waaaay too many babies. Way too many weird people. And for some reason, there is far less available parking at 1pm than there is at 3pm on a Saturday. What's with that? I really hope I don't create one of those boring marriages where all my wife has to do while she takes care of the kids during the day is go to the mall and buy crap, and be seen. Then again, she's going to be a freaking MILF and a half, so, I'm ok with her being seen, but you get what I mean.

I bought three pairs of shoes, a pair of slacks, a pair of jeans, box briefs, socks (gold toed), two dress shirts, a jacket, a zip down sweatshirt, and a t-shirt. I think that's everything. Oh, and shoe deoderizer, which, if you know me, you know is a neccessity. I have a habit of running to the store just that one time without socks, and after that, it's all over.

Anyway. Capitalism. Blah blah blah. Root of all evil. Etc.

The Wall

So I downloaded both discs of Pink Floyd's The Wall yesterday, just cause. I wanted to have a listen to the songs again, see if I remembered them.
See, I say that cause the one time I watched the movie The Wall it was with Justin and Nathan and we were on mushrooms, so the movie was a little bit intense. We made it to about, say, Run like Hell or Waiting for the Worms, before I couldn't handle it anymore. Everyone tells me I should consider myself lucky I left the room before The Trial. I kinda wanted to see how it ended, but, whatever. I mean, for an album which is 26 songs, 1.3 hours, that movie sure seems a lot longer when you're on mind expanding, hallucinogenic drugs.

So anyway, here I am listening to the music, and son of a bitch, I remember every word of every song, every single one. It's like instead of listen mode my mind was on straight up emotional impression, carve this into the inside of my skull mode. Since seeing the movie I've been magically able to pick out Floyd quotes in songs or people's speech. It's creepy, almost.

And, as an aside, shaving your eyebrows is considered a completely legitimate reason to perform a full psychiatric evaluation. In the psychology world, shaving the eyebrows is a tell-tale sign of a psychological break.

20 days and counting

Yeahp. 20 days until I leave. This time three weeks from now I'll be writing journal entries from Nagareyama, Japan. Fuckin crazy.

That means of course, that there are an increasingly narrow number of things left to do, which, of course, are increasingly significant in importance.
Like, for instance, organizing my super ultra wicked crazy going away party. I need to work on that now, and get things figured out. This party is going to have to be nuts.
And then there are other things like, seeing Liesl, and all my friends for some acceptable amount of time. I am going to be making a lot of road trips, it would seem.
That, and I have to go through all my worldly possessions and determine which of them can be discarded or sold, and which I just can't live without and need to be shipped to me in Japan.

Which, of course, I'm sure I can accomplish fairly easily, but, it will be time consuming and a bit of a pain.
I also have to find some way to convert this into some sort of running journal for my experiences for Japan, since this will continue to be my journal when I get there as well.
Which will be interesting, because I will have to let the super cynic part go every now and again to allow the people who might look at it to see what's going on out here. Though, I will admit, the likelihood of anyone reading this then is about as good as it is now, slim to none. I think there are maybe two, three tops people I know who actually pay this thing any amount of attention, which, come to think of it, isn't exactly all that bad, because once publicized, anyone who reads this or comments on it will probably be the small group of people I'll actually give a damn to keep in contact with. Odd how that works.

Anyway, Whitney came by today, she gave me a call after she got off work, and we went out for sushi. It was a blast, we had a good time. She's way stoked for the System of a Down concert tonight, and I can't say I blame her. I wish I were going. This weekend is going to be insane, with the pajama jammy jam tomorrow night, the thrice concert sunday and the coheed show on monday. just plain out insane. I'm way stoked. Way. Stoked.

UUUUGH And I hate that every time I think I've made a decision about someone, and can stop liking someone, they call me up out of the blue and have a great time with each other and make me start liking them tons, all over again. Thanks. I really appreciate that. UGH!

Checklist...

I decided I needed to make a checklist for things I need to bring with me to Japan, which I don't already have. So here we go:

Blue dress shirt
Slacks, not grey or black
New shoes - casual
New shoes - business
Condoms, for me
Condoms, for Greg
Two pair of jeans
Sweatshirt
Pair of gloves
Several pair black socks
Jacket
Couple of t-shirts
Box briefs



I'll amend this as I think of more things, but, I figure, clothes are the most important thing to remember to have enough of, because, well, at 6'2", it's going to be hard to find things in my size.
Anything else I should be remembering?

Menopause

Yeah. That's right. I said it.

My mom. She's going through menopause. It's like the worst PMS of all time, except at the end, there's no period. Ever.

Anyway, with it comes the emotional rollercoaster ride of a woman whose hormones have gone completely out of their way to wrench rational thought and emotional stability from them and leave them a whimpering mass of tears, hot flashes, irrational fears, odd food cravings and the onset of osteoporosis.

I picked her up from the Library today, and she starts talking to me about her worries, and all the millions of things going on in her head, and this and that and the other thing, and it's not really a big deal, cause I think it's kinda funny anyway. I recognize that a lot of the things she's feeling is the result of her emotions getting the better of her, and that it's even more pronounced since all the irrationality has to be focused onto the non-professional aspects of her life, i.e. homelife. I'm laughing in the car on the way home until she busts out the, worried about me, that I'm going to go nowhere, and squander my time in Japan on booze and drugs and wound up strung out on the street somewhere penniliess and disease ridden.

I, despite my generally cool demeaner, flipped my lid. That really pisses me off. To hear from my mother of all people that she thinks that's what's going to happen to me. So I told her, you know, you need to have some faith in me. I'm your son. I don't ever, ever want to hear you tell me that again.
She says, but, I really do worry about these things.
Well, have some faith. I don't care, we all worry, but don't tell me this shit.
I'm trying to-
No, mom. You can't try to have faith! You do, or you don't! And if you don't, then don't tell me!
I promptly got out of the car, and left. It took her a couple of minutes before she came inside.

I just think that's the biggest load of crap. It's like people forget that they're a parent or something. I don't care if you're worried about that sort of thing. You don't actually tell your child three weeks before they embark on a journey which marks the start of my adult life that you think they're going to end up strung out on the streets somewhere. If, by some Godawful twist of fate, you ACTUALLY think that about someone, you keep it to your goddam self. The last thing in the world I want to know is that my own MOTHER thinks I'm going to fail in life. Maybe not thinks I will, but worries I will. For Christ's sake, I don't want to hear that shit. How am I supposed to do anything with myself burdened with the knowledge that my mother is banking on my failure?

I mean, I guess, ugh. It'll be easy to put her fears to rest, but, it's an insult. At the same time, it makes me wonder what I did to make her think these things. Maybe it's cause I'm within an inch of it here already. Who knows. But whatever. I know that I will prove her fears unfounded shortly, and maybe then she'll stop with this crap. Probably not though, because I hear menopause takes a couple years.

So here it is....

The moment you've all been waiting for...er, or, mostly me, I've been waiting for ANYWAY here it is:

David Z
#210 Chanel Court Miki
2-560-1 Mukaikogane
Nagareyama-Shi
Chiba-ken
270-0143

Near Minami Kashiwa station on the Joban line.

I'll be there on Oct. 27th. Anyone wanna come over for dinner?

I've apparently got two roommates, Ashley and Timothy, an Australian and an American, respectively. Except that it says Mr. for both of their names. Does anyone know if Ashley is a male name in Australia?

iChat

I switched to iChat today. Last night I had the most misedrable experience with AIM of all time.
You know, I switched to Mac so that I could ahve programs NOT crash, but AIM crashed more than I have ever seen anything crash ever in my life. I don't know exactly what was causing it, I know there was some sort of incompatibility between Mac and PC Aim, but whatever it was, it was making the program shut down about once every minute or two, depending on who was IMing me.

So now I'm using iChat. It's a lot better, I think, except that I can't custom organize my buddy list, which is kinda gay. But, on the other hand, I can name or nickname anyone whatever I want. Which is kinda weird because now I see people based on their actual names, which destroys I guess some of the anonymity which has appeal in the internet. Oh well.

Basically I just felt like unloading a little bit on here cause I'm bored. I really hope my blog doesn't go downhill with an increasing lack of stupid shit going on in my life. I might have to start discussing politics or something. Eek.