12-29

12-29 – 8:00pm

I’ve been putting more time recently into tweaking the songs I’ve been writing for my little techno album. So far I have 13.8 minutes of music, between three songs. I think I can do some work and extend two of them; one is one I recovered that I wrote years ago so I can’t really edit it now that it’s published, nor do I have the program any longer on which it was written. It’s pretty exciting I guess writing music and all, I really want to start getting some video footage to work into it, but, I realize that I can’t really start doing that until I have a better camera. But yea, three songs. I need to start throwing out ideas for new songs; I need lots more. I mean, it’s not like I don’t have time still to do so, but.
It’s gonna be 2006 pretty quick here. I like the way that number looks, it has a good ring to it. Additionally, 2006 is the year of the Dog, which is my sign in the Chinese zodiac, so, this should be a good year for me.

12-28

12-28 – 11:30am

So the night of the 26th, I got together with Bryan and went over to his place in Abiko, where we jammed out on his guitar and worked on the song he and I were writing. I came up with this wicked chord progression the other day when I was over there, and he insisted I started writing words to it. It’s a song about Liesl, and we essentially finished it yesterday afternoon after having to call it a night early on account of a noise complaint. After that, we went out to a hundred yen sushi shop since I’m budgeting, and had an interesting lunch. I went back to my place, and on the walk home I started humming a little tune to myself, and when I got back I sat down and wrote another song, for Jordan. I’ve got all the words and the melody, so now I just have to go back over to Bryan’s and lay down some chords, and it’ll be good to go.
Bryan has his own radio show in Mito, and he plays on it every once in a while. He and I are going to lay down some backup vocals to some of his songs, and he says that if we get my songs down pat, to performance level, that I can go on the air on his show and play them, which would be awesome. I’d get a CD of the whole radio show, and then I could go and extract my tacks from it and have recordings of my songs to share with my friends. That, and I’d have radio play. Mwahahaha.
Last night Bryan and Greg and I met up in Kashiwa and went out to Wara Wara for drinks, and had a hilarious time. We all bitched about our parents for a while, but, I can’t really complain since I got my minky pillowcase yesterday and it’s absolutely amazing. I mean, aside from being lime green, it’s the most comfortable amazing fabric of all time. Yay for minky.

5:30pm

Well, I went down to the internet café today and wrote some people, went to the post office and mailed out my letters, and recharged my phone card to make some calls home. You should have heard these people when they picked up their phones. It’s funny because when I call them no number shows up, and they, like me, don’t usually answer when there’s no number. So I made sure to call well after solicitors and creditors have stopped calling for the evening to be sure they thought twice about rejecting the call. Hearing the momentary confusion in their voices was great, cause I made sure to say something completely tell tale me, like “mroo” or “whachiiiiing!” So there was this moment of, WTF? Followed by OMG HI!!!! It was great. Well worth the wait, which, my apologies here, was excessive. I decided that since it was Christmas time that I really ought to get on the phone and say hello to some people. It was nice to hear familiar voices. I got a lot of “alright man, enough, come home already.” Which was nice.

On an unrelated side note, after kids training a couple weeks ago, my right hip has been giving me a lot of trouble. I can’t sit cross-legged for longer than a couple of minutes, it feels like the ball joint is being pulled out of place. Both me knees and my hip, and the arch of my left foot are all rather unpleased with me. I don’t know if that’s the result of a lack of dexterity suddenly being brought to my attention, or the beginning of some actual condition, but either was it’s painful and unpleasant, especially since I spend so much time sitting in my room cross-legged working on my laptop, e.g. right now. Ugh. Oh, and I’m growing out my goatee again for shits and giggles.


I don’t know if it’s because I can type fast enough to be efficient, or I just have a million different things I could say at any given time, but I feel like I am always cutting my entries short. I could pretty much write in stupid detail my goings on out here, or in my life in general, like all the shit that goes through my head, but I’m starting to feel like it should just be left out. I always have a tendency to leave things out. What’s up with that? I don’t think I ever really get the chance to get everything inside my head out. I wonder if other people are the same way. I have this pretty much constant dialogue going on in my head at any given time, and I just kinda chose to let it go with each passing moment, rather than write it down, as I am now, or express it to someone in conversation. There are times when, as my friends know, I start to let this crap out, and they all know it instantly cause there’s pretty much no end to my sentences. I suppose you could call this stream of consciousness writing, and in some circles this is respected, but lord, if I were to do this all the time I’d tomes upon tomes of writings rather than numerous entries in my journal.
What’s up with journals and diaries? How come journals are male and diaries are female? Why do we need two words? I think diary kind of implies it’s a cathartic relief of personal thoughts and feelings, whereas a journal is a log of goings on and related personal observations. I think the impersonality of what we define a journal as makes it more appropriate for males.
I had another one of those, darker days the other day. It usually happens when I’m forced to spend time waiting for a train, or spend time by myself in public, mostly in contemplation. The duality of my everyday personality is at times annoying. Because the clothes I wear and the way I carry myself generally are reflections of that more reserved part of me, and it’s something of an awkward contradiction for me to act so differently the other half of the time.
I really really like Reeses peanut butter cups. They’re a little bit amazing, really. You know how there are some flavors that are some kind of perfect match for your taste buds, and you can just about always go to eat? Well, these are that match for me. They are, for me, that flavor that no matter how many times I am presented with the opportunity to experience, I will always say yes. MiA sent me a bag of the minis and a bag of the bigguns for Christmas and I am struggling not to eat them continuously until they’re gone. I know that they won’t last, but I really need to somehow put these somewhere they won’t spoil (yea right) and forget about them so I don’t eat them all in the next day.
It’s that sort of instant gratification thing. I mean, I could thoroughly enjoy each and every one of these delectable little chocolate and peanut butter treats right here and now, but, really, it’s not like having 6 In my mouth makes the flavor more intense, so, I’m really better off dragging it out as long as possible. But man, does some raw, instinctual part of me want to shove every one of these little fuckers in my mouth and drown in milk chocolate, creamy peanut butter and saliva. What a way to go. Could you imagine my headstone?


R.I.P
David Evan Zahorcak
1982-2005
Just Had to Have that Last
Peanut Butter Cup

Yea. A headstone to be proud of, for sure.

12-26

12-16 – 1:45pm

Well, that was an interesting Christmas.

After a rather pleasant day cleaning, doing laundry, and straightening things up, I went out to 新松戸 Shin-Matsudo to meet up with Greg and company. When I got there, Greg was with Katie, his half sister, and her fiancé in front of the station, talking to two of Greg’s former students. We chatted for a bit, and I was told I bear a striking resemblance to a Japanese film actor. What a surprise. Not the actor part, but the Japanese part. I get that all the time. Mom? Dad? There something you’re not telling me? I’m starting to think that the further back in my dad’s family tree you go the further east you’ll go as well. I mean, our last name means foreigner basically, so.
Anyway, we walked out to the, yes, you guessed it, the one, the only, Red Lobster. Where did you have Christmas dinner? Red Lobster. We enjoyed a mountain of crab, apparently a Bethell tradition. We also ordered to plates of crab, which wound up being rather more expensive than I’d have liked. This whole night was rather more expensive than I’d have liked, but, what can you do? Greg’s sister and her fiancé had just arrived in Japan, and they should be shown a good time. They seemed to enjoy my company.
So after Red Lobster, we decided to head to the 南柏 Minami Kashiwa to go bowling. Bowling was fun, and Katie began her long descent into silly drunk. Then again, so did I. Greg bought me a 2 liter jug of Asahi Super Dry for Christmas, which I essentially drank last night. Hallie had to leave after the first game to catch her last train home, and after our second game, in which I dominated just a little tiny bit, we decided to do something different. That’s when it happened.
Enter the ‘roke. Karaoke. Ugh. We somehow got conned into some absurdly expensive drink/snack package that we thought was just beer 飲み補題 nomihodai but was, in fact, not. So the four of us paid 9,000yen for 90 minutes of karaoke with a couple beers, a bottle of some Korean liquor, and a bag the size of my torso full of little tiny individual snack bags. Except they’re things like fish jerky, and rice snacks, and occasionally peanuts. And these little tiny squares in foil wrappers which I actually think were just fish stock, and lots of other things. They’re much tastier now that I’m hungover.
When the ‘roke finally ended, we stumbled outside and tried to decide what to do from there. We were all pretty well lit at that point, and Katie still wanted to go do something, so, Greg and I decided to kinda aim her in the direction of drinking games at my house, and we tossed her in a taxi and we all went back to my place. I kinda felt bad showing up with three guests that late, but, eh. We played drinking games in my room and we broke out the rice wine and the whiskey, and …. Ugh…. So much drinking….eventually we piddled out and fell asleep, and they took off this morning around 9, despite wanting to get up at 5 to head home on first train. Now all I have are empty pockets and what’s left of a giant back of random snacks. Woot.

12-25 Christmas

12-25 11:19am

Merry Christmas!
I was just sitting up to write this when I got a call from my mom, that was nice, in her typical, business call sorta way.
Last night after work I went to see King Kong with Ash and Bryan. Not bad, it had its ridiculous moments like all flicks these days that try to be good, but all in all, not bad.
Afterwards we wandered around Kashiwa until we discovered this delightful little Indian restaurant, and I have bene craving Indian food something awful, so it was really nice to sit down and have some tikka masala with naan and relax with friends. Next time though we’re going to have to ask for the stupid hot version, rather than that one just shy of stupid hot we went with this time just to be safe. I had mango juice, and immediately thought of the book Death of Vishnu, and laughed to myself. Dad will understand this comment.
I got a Christmas card from my grandparents, and apparently some people are mailing me things, but, I don’t expect a lot this year. Honestly, money, like every year, is the best thing anyone can really give me, but, it’s kinda had to do that in this kind of situation.
When we got back to South Kashiwa yesterday and were going up the escalator, Ash and I saw a Caucasian woman and I told her Merry Christmas, since it was all of 12:02am at the moment. I got the strangest feeling last night that it was somehow ok for us to be silly and Western then and today, and be loud or openly celebratory because this was the holiday of all Western holidays.

Today, I think I’ll take a while and really clean out my room. Then, work out a holiday budget, and plan where I really want to go. Ready…..go!

12-23

12-23 – 10:51am

So…hungry….must…connect…to…internet….

For the last two days I’ve been unable to connect for whatever reason to the internet that has been, until now, so readily available on the porch. I can only assume that someone has gotten wise to my scheme and set up a specific MAC address allowance, thusly preventing me access, or specifically denied mine. Which simply means that I need to find a way to spoof my MAC address to test if that’s the case, or something equally devious. Now that I’ve decided to move, it makes even less sense to sign up for internet access, and I really have little interest in using an internet point like the one near the station to do get my daily fix. Especially for the purposes of updating my journal, not having access from my laptop is particularly inconvenient, and I really don’t want to wait two months until I’ve moved to have it.

Help. *gasp*

9:24pm

Well. I got hit on at work today. I went outside to have a cigarette, and a couple of girls that work at the mall came outside shortly after to have a smoke as well. As they went to sit down, they both said hi to me, as in, they actually said “hi.” So I said hello back, and the one closest to me started to talk to me. She didn’t quite look fully Japanese, and I noticed she had a distinctly South American accent in the English she spoke, which was very good. As I was sitting out there chatting with them, Syotaro and Moe from my kinder class just prior came outside and I said hi to them, and they were very happy to get the recognition. The girl I was talking to asked me if I was a Nova teacher, and I said yes, and that they were my students. She asked me my name, and she said hers was Angela. When they found out I was 23, they, as seems to be the case often here, were very surprised and excited, mentioning they were 21 and 22. Of course, afterwards they asked if I was single, to which I said yes, and then all of a sudden the real interest came out. They asked if I liked to go clubbing, and if I had plans for winter break. The fully Japanese girl said they should get my number, so I gave my card to Angela, who said she would call me to hang out during the break, and wanted to know if I had other American friends who could come. She was very talkative, and energetic, and clearly very outgoing. I was surprised to see such forward behavior, but, then again I don’t think Angela was fully Japanese. I was tempted to start speaking in Spanish to see if she understood.

Anyway, I think I might be hearing from them. Either way, the work at Love Me, the shop adjacent to mine, so it’s entirely likely I’ll see them again soon enough. I’m just amused I got straight hit on in between classes.

12-22

12-22 – 10:47am

Something is in the works to happen today. I work 1:20-9pm, and my last period is a TRN/OBS period, but there’s no one else on the schedule aside from me and Allen. Which means that someone is coming out here for the sole purpose of talking to me for that last period. Now, Allen supposed it was Dara, but Ash says Kerry, cause if they were going to bring a TI out here, they’d have them work too to balance the cost of travel, but Kerry, well, she can do whatever she wants. So, it looks like today they’ll let me know I’m staying on probation another month. At least I get to bring up the fact my branch has no Kids’ Coordinator, and they can’t make me it until I’m off probation. We’ll see if I can work my way out of staying on. Heh, wish me luck.

Last night Allen and I went out to a Korean Barbeque with Yumi and Juri, the J-Staff from our branch. It was the last day all four of us work together until the New Year. It was fun I suppose. I think I’m just cranky from being sick, but little outings like that just have little appeal to me if all we’re doing is making small talk and eating delicious, delicious cow tongue for three hours and paying 3,000 yen for it. If I’m gonna drop 3,000, I’m gonna have a good night.

Anyway, wish me luck on whatever it is I have today. 100 yen says this is the first thing I say: “Yeahp. Called it.”


12:34am

“Yeahp. Called it.” Nice guess, rookie. I just lost a buck. To myself!
Actually, it wasn’t quite how I called it. I have to wait for Kerry’s decision at this point, cause my “poor” in the attendance category barred me from ending probation by default, which probably means it will continue. But Dara had just about all good things to say today, that and my one little dress code violation aside. Apparently I would have received above average marks for appearance otherwise. As it stood, my one poor and my one good average to an entirely satisfactory review. Hopefully to anyone crunching numbers that average will hold.
Well, all the same I’ll keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. If I’m so lucky, I’ll get off probation and my paycheck won’t suck so much, otherwise, well, whatever, nothing different from now.
Just a couple more days and it will be winter break. Which reminds me…
Holy crap I’ve been here for two months. Yeah. What the fuck? My hair’s finally starting to get long. People back home are starting to forget I ever existed. Well, actually, I can’t back up that last statement, but, it seems like something that might be true. I just went with it. Whatever. Shut it. I’ve been gone a while now, ok?

To those people at home who are wondering, no, I don’t miss America. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but I don’t. Put me anywhere, tell me this is home, and I’m ok with it. I adapt. That’s not to say I don’t think of you all often and miss you, I do, I really do, but, there’s no difference to me between this life here and mine at home. I don’t miss it cause I feel like I could take a train and if I waited long enough I’d end up back in Portland. Now I know that sounds like I’m well set up for a crashing in on itself kinda reality check thing, but, it’s not really exactly like the analogy I gave. Just ugh, go with it, k? Ask anyone who was close to me when I lived in Japan two years ago. Ask them if I wrote them. Ask them if I called them. Probably not, and no. I wonder sometimes if not needing contact with people I care about makes me cold.

12-21

12-21 – 11:55

Well yesterday was essentially ‘sit around and watch movies’ day. After a short ordeal involving Trust documents, a trip to the internet café/post office and an email with revised documents after arriving home, I spent the afternoon and was up late into the night watching movies. See, Tim left his DVD movie collection here, so Ash and I have been dipping into it to keep ourselves occupied.
Let’s see, yesterday I watched the Transformers Movie, Mission to Mars, Akira, Shaolin Soccer, and Spiderman 2. The day before that I watched Underworld and the Animatrix. There might be another I’m forgetting; anyway the point is that since taking ill I’ve watched a shitload of movies.
And I’m feeling marginally better. I’ve kept myself pumped full of strange unknown Japanese cold medicine, which has worked magnificently so far. Despite Ash’s warning, they stuff doesn’t make me drowsy, or at least any drowsier than I already was, and it makes the entirely unpleasant sinus pressure I was experiencing much more bearable. Today it seems much less than yesterday waking up. That and the giant ball of gnarl I spit up today just after waking up was much less putrid looking than yesterday’s, always a good sign.
Japanese medicine is one of those weird things I’ve noticed that is either completely good for shit or about 1,000x stronger than American versions of the same treatment. Got a headache? Try this great herbal concoction, which I think relies on the placebo effect. Muscle pain? Better try this heat patch. Whoopee.
But if you’re tired…oh man, are you in for it. You think Red Bull packs a punch? You think Rockstar keeps the party going? You think even the mighty Bacchus F can compare? No, my friends. Nothing, nothing in this world compares to the Japanese 元気 Genki drinks.
Genki drinks in this country are an excellent source of vitamins and minerals, “refreshment with the right flavor, for today’s youth with special tastes.” This bottle of POWER VITA-11 is “a smooth carbonated beverage that performs double duty, quenching powerful thirsts quickly while delivering 11kinds (sic) of vitamins.” In addition to these vitamins, it also packs caffeine, duh, and 20mg of nicotine. Yes, that’s right folks, 20mg of nicotine. You know how many milligrams of nicotine are in a regular cigarette? Around 0.6mg. That’s about 33 cigarettes worth of the juice. Now, only the expensive ones have the juice in it, but, dude. You’re not capable of being un-Genki after drinking one of those. It hits you within moments.
Cleaning products? Deodorant? Good for shit. But they have mentholated eye drops, which are more intense than anything you could possibly imagine. I oughta pick myself up some of those today. Those sound nice.

12-20

12-20 – 9:08am

Only five days till Christmas! Not that it means anything huge to me here, but. It means I have bill payments due. I suppose I ought to check that.
Most of the people I know are off to exotic places like Hawaii, or Georgia, or San Diego already. We’ve still got another week of work before the vacation, but, a lot of people use their vacation time in conjunction with this one to get a super, uber vacation.
As for me? I will be here, trying to get out and visit as many places locally as I can and taking pictures. That is, if I can handle going out in the cold for longer than a minute or two, and I can get over the cold that slammed into me yesterday when I was taking a nap.

Post Party Jam Session

12-19 - 6:10pm

Well, that wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Turns out it was at Rebekah and Barbara’s place, where I stayed last week after Sean’s going away party. After a pretty standard day at work, I went home, changed clothes, and took as long as I could getting ready to arrive at the station just after 9pm to meet Hillary. I got to Abiko a couple minutes before her, so, I went in to the NewDays convi that was right there, bought a beer, sat down on a nearby bench and cracked it open. Soon I saw Hillary and Bryan and Joanne and another friend arrive, and we all sat outside and drank, wondering how it worked that I was here already but we had to wait for my roommate.
See, Ash doesn’t have a cell phone. This makes it hard to get his status, or a hold of him, or many other things. He called Bryan from a payphone to let us know he was on the way. Yeesh. This topic will come up again.
The party was packed when we got there. It was stupid packed. I mean, pretty much every person I know in Nova or from Nova was there. It was a great time, except for the guy passed out in the shower, and Rebekah quickly becoming her typical drunk self, running around the apartment, and trying to well, yea. But other than that, it was a jolly good time, got to talk to lots of people, and meet lots of people, and found out some more information from Ty about the possibility of moving in with him come the end of January or February. Lord. Dave B, Ty and I living in one place. That would be trouble.
Today Hillary and I went over to Bryan’s place across the tracks, which was super chill. Hillary worked on her special voice lesson thingie for whatever reason on her day off, and Bryan and I jammed on his guitar, and started writing a song. It was the most chill afternoon ever.
I came back home about 3pm or so, I think, and went shopping. I made some kind of tempura for dinner, but, well, I dunno. I’ve still yet to perfect that art yet. I’ll get it, someday. I think the three of us are getting together for dinner later, I don’t know quite yet, and I think until then I will take a nap, or maybe compose some more.

I Hate Cold

12-18 8:56am

My room now loses warmth via the window’s inefficiency faster than my space heater is capable of warming it. It’s actually been that way for a while now. I wake up in the night, my head too hot and my feet too cold. It’s terrible, but it has to be that way, otherwise if my head is cold, well, that’s just miserable. So I tried moving my heater today, to the foot of my futon next to the window, to see if I can nullify the cold action at its source, thereby keeping the room from dropping in temp. The cold air comes in and hits the curtain and sinks down, to right where the heater is pumpin out warm rays. It’s actually creating wind, my curtains sway back and forth now a little bit. Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll have a low pressure warm front move in and mostly clear skies during the day, with clouds moving in in the evening and overnight. Here. In my room. Oh be quiet.

Tonight I guess is Rebekah’s iiiiiiinnnnnsssssaaaaaaannnnneeee party. I say that mockingly. I really have my doubts, especially after watching her dignity fall apart last week getting as drink as she did.
Wow, that really lost its punch misspelling drunk like that. Anyway, hopefully that will be fun, lots of people have asked me if I am going to go, but no one has told me where it is. Rebekah didn’t even tell me where it was when she invited me. Oh well. I’m not gonna sweat it if I don’t go. Someone will call me and ask where I am, and so on. Ok, gotta go to work now. I suppose I’ll say how this all turns out tomorrow when I’m hungover.

The Heeby-Chibis!~!

12-17 11:35pm

“When you dig up the past, all you get is dirty.”

I’m in that sort of introspective mood I often get after watching a movie, where you, after sitting and watching an idea for 2 hours, accepting it as reality, are stuck in that in between of realities, no longer part of the movie’s and not knowing if you want to go back to the one you knew before. I had a moment out on the porch having a cigarette, when I realized that at this hour, there were two other people out on their porches smoking as well, and all of us were aware of one another, not saying anything, or needing to. I wonder what paths we all were on to converge at that moment how we did, and if either of the other two are sitting here wondering this same thing now.

Probably not.

Today was an interesting day at work. Ash and I worked together, and between today and yesterday, the full nature of my qualifications for this job came to light. I remember, between kids’ lessons talking to Brent yesterday, having a conversation about child psychology, and explaining the nature of the psyche of kids in the age group he was having problems with. He remarked that with my background in psychology, and my experience as a camp counselor, that I was clearly far more qualified than he for this kind of work. I scoffed, honestly, cause I didn’t believe him. Ash said the same thing though today, after having problems with his kids’ classes. He had a Chibiko lesson right after mine at the start of the day, and when Juri said that she was a special case, a solo class who, for her previous two lessons, cried the whole time, we decided to switch so I taught the lesson instead. So we swapped another kids class later in the day, and I taught the two Chibiko and a Junior class, while he taught the other 4 kids classes for the day. Did I mention we have a lot of kids at my branch?

Anyway, the first Chibiko went well, and I was pretty nervous about Yui’s lesson after. But, not to jinx myself in future lessons, it went amazingly well. She was really shy at first, clinging to her mother and burying her head in her chest, but, after about five or so minutes, she started to actually look at me, and that’s when I knew I had her, hook line and sinker. Another five minutes later, she was high fiving and running around the classroom smiling and laughing and having a blast. I had the biggest grin on my face, and it really was in no way forced. That little girl made my day. Her mother was in complete shock when she started using the language in lesson, counting along with me and singing the songs, shouting out “Santa Claus!!!!!” while we were slapping the card with his image. She really liked the Christmas Tree card too. I don’t think her mom thought the lesson would be anywhere near to what it was. Juri came to check up on it too halfway through, and was all smiles when she saw us having a good time. I’m all smiles just thinking about it. Best part is, I taught her father the lesson right after.

So…well, to be honest, I guess I am qualified. Well qualified at that. Jenn called me during my lunch, pointed out as well that clearly I’m made for this sort of stuff. Those little rascals really do make me happy.

Better Luck Next Time, yea?

12-17 12:25am

So. Yesterday was Friday, yea? Well, that marked the one-week anniversary of my kids’ classes from Hell.

How do you think they went?

Heh. Really? Huh. Well, thanks. I appreciate the vote of confidence.

Yea, they went fine. That is, to say, they were much better than last week. My Kinders were actually kinda fun. The Juniors were still a little out of hand, but, I was able to keep them majoritally under control this time around. One of the kids though, they younger of the two brothers, kinda separated himself from the group about halfway through, and pulled his jacket over his head. Unbeknownst to me, he had started crying, until one of the girls pointed it out to me, and I went and got Juri, who talked to him. I don’t really know what caused it, but, well…I dunno. The class was good compared to last time, and if next time no one cries, then it’ll be a complete success. I dropped the “Oy!” today. Wow, that shut them up. Not for long, but for long enough to get them to do what I wanted. I’ve also discovered just how far silence can take you. Just sit there, look at someone for a second, not saying anything. The need for words dissolves quickly.

Guy named Brent came out today from Kita-Kogane, he was a funny guy. There are so many people from the Boy’s Club out here. Yeesh. The shit that comes out of people’s mouths. Filthy, filthy minds.

Anyway, Ash is coming to my branch for a change to work a help shift tomorrow. Lol, we get to go to work together, work together, and come home together. Every waking hour of tomorrow will be spent with him. Lol. Alright, it’s late, I’m going to bed.

WireTransfers and Mittens

12-16 10:30am

Yesterday was my first payday. Woot woot. I had been wondering what all the various horrendous deductions would be this first paycheck, but it doesn’t seem to have turned out as bad as I thought.
I had the huge first rent payment because it included the prorated October, and the ridiculous three month insurance charge, which theoretically shouldn’t be a party of either December’s or January’s paycheck. I somehow had failed to take into consideration either Social Security or income tax, so I kinda slapped myself upside the head when I saw those charges and realized what they were. It’s not really Social Security here, it’s a social insurance fund, it’s more like the Welfare program, or unemployment. Either way, their combined total was only 4.6% of my gross income, so, all things considered that’s great. 4.6%. You hear that folks back in America? I earned 249,450yen gross and paid 11,425yen in income tax/welfare. At least compared to Oregon, that’s so very, very nice. Actual deposit into my account? 110,509 yen.

But, all in all after I calculate the rest of me expenses, I am going to wind up well, just about $200 above water this month. Next month will be better, and so on, but, like I suspected, at least for a while, given what I came here to do, it will be tight living.

11:52pm

I went to the 柏 SMBC Bank this morning, shortly after writing the previous entry. I went there on a mission to order a wire transfer to my account back home. Damned things cost 4,000 yen a pop, but, given the immediacy of the need, it was worth it. It already shows up on my WellsFargo account summary, though it is still pending. I went ahead and authorized the necessary payments though, so that they will hit shortly after the transfer clears. I’m not really interested in making late payments, so, in a way I’m kiting the checks. Oh well. Such is life, at least until I figure out a more efficient way to do this.
After that, feeling a little more financially stable, I took a little trip to the Takashimaya Department Store to take a look at gloves. I found a nice pair, and as I was trying them on, I noticed there was an employee, a cute little Japanese woman overlooking my search. She looked at me, and in very good English remarked “It suits you.” I don’t think I stopped smiling for about three hours. I keep saying that over and over in my head, despite the grammar of using “it” for gloves being incorrect. Anyway, grammatical pedantry aside, she was so very kind, and I told her that I would take them. She asked if they were a gift, or for myself, and I said myself, and went to ring them up. She came back a minute later with my receipt, and it was then I first realized the true nature of our conversation. She handed me my receipt, and explained the Takashimaya point card she had started for me, where every time I spend more than 2,000 yen I get a stamp, up to five, then it’s a coupon for something or other.
Anyway, the important thing here is that as she was talking to me, I never even looked at the card. Her hand, her poor, sweet little hand was shaking. Trembling, actually. That poor girl must have felt like her heart was going to pop out of her chest. As soon as I got my bearings back after reeling at the thought that despite her perfect English she was that nervous, I smiled, and very politely thanked her for her help. I just wanted to give her a big hug and tell her everything was okay. It was just so weird for me to see her that nervous after being so suave when out conversation first started. I think that was the first time I’ve actually heard a Japanese person straight out state an opinion, sales pitch or not.

This observation was reiterated later today when the bank called me to confirm some information on my wire transfer application. They called while I was teaching, and the first time they just hung up. The next time, they left a message but I picked up my phone before I could check it. They were calling to confirm the spelling of my name on the application, where my handwriting was apparently somewhat illegible. His English was so very timid, and when I listened to the message, I realized what had happened in both instances of customer service today.

Somewhere, these poor employees were having a conference as to who should be the one to talk to me. Someone was elected to go talk to me. And the anxiety was painted all over their faces. I think the best part was listening to the phone message. Poor guy must have been sweating bullets. It’s a message, it’s recorded, and not only that it has to be right, the first and only time. And it’s from a bank. It really, really has to be correct.

I know how they feel though, I used to get so stressed talking to Hispanic customers at the grocery store. But oh man. Money matters. Yeesh. I have resolved to take up studying Japanese again. These poor people are going to have a heart attack at 30 otherwise.

Hehe yay!

12-11 10:10pm

Well, I have to say, today was great. I’m really happy to be writing something positive in here for once in what seems like a great while. I was admittedly a little freaked out when I got to work today. I was kind of in a funk, I didn’t sleep well last night. I kept waking up and I never really felt rested. I went to sleep drunk last night, to fill in the blanks. I went to 亀有 Kameari last night after work to meet up with Hillary and Ash for some sort of student party. I worked at 新松戸 Shin-Matsudo yesterday, which was a blast, and before I went to work I was planning on going to Sean’s little schindig, but Ash told me before I left that Hillary had invited us to her party after he mentioned that I was his roommate. I decided Sean could wait.

I got out there to firetrucks everywhere, in the midst of some sort of emergency. I ran into Ty outside, who I remembered, but not from where. Turns out it was from some night drinking in 柏 Kashiwa. He reminds me a great deal of Carl, from Suttle Lake, in the sense that we instantly got along from the moment we met, but I suspect we have incredibly different political views. He, like Carl, is incredibly intelligent, handsome, and well-read, which means that Hillary, like Jessie (whatcha gon’ do with all that junk?), likes him. Anyway, we all had a great time with like 15 other people at a restaurant/bar drinking like fish, and Ty told me that his roommate is moving out in February if I’m looking for a new place to live…which is very appealing, and I plan to take him up on it. Not that I don’t like this water closet or living 20 minutes on foot from the station or anything, or having a roommate that eats only poorly cooked fish night and day, ruins the floorboards by not drying off after getting out of the shower, and religiously turns the sink into a chum bucket, but, well, I don’t. I could actually get to work faster from 亀有 Kameari, 9 stops down from 柏 Kashiwa, than I could walking to 三波柏 Minami Kashiwa and taking the train 1 stop down.

So anyway, I was nervous when I went to work today. But when I got there, I discovered that I only had one kids’ class, and remembered that I got off two hours early, thanks to my training schedule this week. My kids’ lesson today was amazing. I had three of the little rapscallions, Juniors (1-3rd grade), and thanks to knowing the activities from last time’s nightmare, things went smoothly. These kids were angels. I had such an amazing time, I got to finally just be a dad for an hour. I had the superwicked bestest time of all time. I couldn’t stop smiling for about 3 or 4 hours after that. I’m still smiling, really. If 1 in 3 lessons are like that, I’ll be ok. Any more than that, and I dunno, I might smile to death.

The next two lessons after that actually kinda sucked, but, I wasn’t really paying attention. It doesn’t even bother me that I work tomorrow when I would normally have the day off. Not a lot actually could bother me right now. *sigh*

See Previous Entry Subject Lines.

Oh my Dear Lord. Again. And again and again and again, xInfinity +1. Squared.

I think that might come close to my frustration at this moment. It's about 1/3 what it was earlier in the day. As this is my journal, I'll tell you all about it, and in no succinct terms, since that would be entirely unlike me.

I arrived at work today an hour or so early. I actually called Yumi at about 12:45 to make sure that I did in fact work at モラージュ柏 Mallage Kashiwa today. After clearing that up beyond a doubt, I headed to Bic Camera, and returned the repeater I had purchased in my ongoing attemp to purloin reliable internet access from the neighbors, whose network is becoming increasingly fickle with the weather becoming more overcast, or they themselves more aware of my evil scheme.

Thankfully, there was no confusion about where I should be, and I asked Yumi to please make copies of all the remaining cover sheets I had for the rest of the month, so I could make absolutely sure there would be no further error or tardiness on my part at least until January. Hopefully never again. Here was my schedule for today:
3:10 - Kids - Kinder
4:05 - Lesson (7A)
5:00 - Kids - Junior
5:50 - Lesson (7A)
6:40 - Free Period

So, I had over an hour really since getting to work to prepare for my first kids lesson. I looked over the plan carefully, acquainted myself with the activities, and made sure I had an idea of what exactly was supposed to go on so I wouldn't just sit there and be dumbfounded.

Class actually went pretty well, aside from the awkwardness of having lots of parents staring in on the room, until Aika started covering her forehead and looking like she was going to be sick. At that point I called the J-Staff in there and her mom told her to take off her coat, because it was getting absurdly hot in that room. It was at this point that I think the class started to deteriorate, because I accidentally skipped a transition activity, and I had kids putting their heads down, despite my apparent enthusiasm. When Aika came back, she was singing this one single note for the entire rest of the lesson, which made it all but impossible to focus the attention of the remaining students. I tried to get her to stop by using her name, busting out the "Hands on heads" maneuver, and many other things, to little avail. Thankfully that lesson came to and end, and I went and wrote the incident in the logbook.

My lesson after that was pretty much fine, but it was a little frazzled and a little bit shallow given how scatter brained I was after the stress of that last lesson. Little did I know what I had in store for me to later.

Junior lesson was Hell. Literally. The three girls in there were absolutel angels, and were my saving grace. They were the only reason I dind't lose it entirely, because at least they understood what we were doing, even though one of them was a sit in lesson observer, which I will talk about later as being one of the biggest reasons I was so frustrated with that lesson.
There were four boys in that lesson, and little did I know at the time that two were brothers, and all of them were friends. This is a recipe for disaster, that somehow Sean had been previously able to avert through knowing them all for so long and the heaps of experience he had as Kids Coordinator for the branch.

From the very start of the lesson I knew there was going to be trouble. I attempted to seat the students after they entered the room to wait for the rest of the 7 students to come in, but they would have none of it. Despite repeated attempts to get them to sit down or do something other than kick one another and run around, they continued. After they were all inside, they quickly decided that the four of them were going to do whatever the Hell they wanted, and whenever I tried to get them to stop, or do what I wanted, I managed to hold their, or, a small portion of their attention for a couple of seconds before lossing it again to whatever it is they thought was more interesting, which usually was something like kicking, running, jumping, talking to one another, and at one point singing a Japanese song which everyone knew and then started to sing, including the girls.

I called Juri in to watch them to make sure things weren't completely out of hand, and they seemed to ease up a little bit, until she stopped looking and then quickly made up for lost time.

Everything I did pretty much worked for all of three or four seconds until they realized that relatively speaking, nothing I was doing really mattered. As soon as they decided that my appprival or disapproval was, to them, trivial, there was nothing I could do any longer to control them. High fives as positive reinforcement or negative punishment worked for the first maybe ten minutes of lesson, until they just decided they didn't care.

See, the lousy psych degree I have lets me know exactly when I've lost all control in a situation. You would think it would give me tools to better work the crowd, and find a way to reestablish authority in a situation like that, but, alas, there is something of a point of no return, especially when all your disciplinary techniques are strictly forbidden in the context of the classroom, especially with parents watching. And especially in light of the fact that they don't understand English enough to recognize my discipline outside of the tone of my voice, which I am, apparently, under no circumstance to use in an aggressive or angry way.

So then, after that lesson, I thought I had the next lesson free, so after the bell rang I saw someone come in late, and I thought, do I have a lesson? Which I did, so I had to grab a book and just kinda go in there and hope he hadn't taken it before, which luckily he hadn't.

My last period I attempted to call Leigh to ask him advice, but he was at another branch, and even there was otherwise unavailable, so I will have to talk to him tomorrow when I go to work at 新松戸 Shin Matsudo. Vinny, the other teacher there today, gave me a list of things to do to help get control of a class back, but the thing was I had done all of the things on the list, really. Of the 6 or 7 things he suggested, there was only one I hadn't done over and over to try to get them focused.

I'll figure this out though, I am going to master this fine art. These kids are going to be putty in my hands soon enough, and I will orchestrate these classes into something beautiful and amazing. This is good practice, because one day I'll have my own little pack of rascals running around my house, and after this, if I can't keep them under control, I'm just going to have my tubes tied. My frustration lies in that I came here to work with kids, I am so excited to work with them, and it's the one area that as of right now, I am apparently incapable of doing well. I need to buy some hipnotic glasses I can wear in class. I think that would be great.

I just got off the phone with Leigh, he helped clear up a lot of the issues I was having, and I made some facts very clear about my NOT being hungover at kids training Wednesday. That was all in all a great phone call. He cleared up that I am, in fact, supposed to be a disciplinarian. Mwahaha. These kids are now officially kittens who've pissed on the rug. Smell it. Look at what you just did.

12-09

12-09 12:00am

How many entries since being here have I started with Oh My Dear Lord?

Well, this one is no exception.

Oh My Dear Lord. What the Hell is going on here? I’m starting to discover, the hard way, that my scheduling ability is completely and utterly unreliable in this country. I’m actually at something of a loss, because punctuality and precision when it comes to work has always, always been a forte of mine. In the two years I worked for Market of Choice, I was late once, called in twice, for completely acceptable reasons. All my jobs before that were the same.

I’ve been here two months, and been late twice now. I went to the wrong branch, through no fault of mine, and today I again went to the wrong branch, but this time it was my mistake. The worst part is that I get the speech about leaving with plenty of time to arrive on time, even though I was at my branch with enough time to make it back to 柏 Kashiwa before the first lesson, and on every other day I arrive at least 40 min. before work actually starts. Yesterday, I was late for Kid’s training, and that was my fault, I left late. Well, not late if I were going to 柏 Kashiwa, but I was going to 松戸 Matsudo.

I got to Mallage Kashiwa at 12:45 when it was revealed to me the nature of my predicament. I had 25 min. to get back to Kashiwa Station, so, well, I ran. I ran long and hard. I managed to catch a bus halfway there and got to the branch at 1:15pm, 5 minutes before the start of the lesson, which was adequate time to get my folders and plan the lesson, which, Dara informed me, would be observed for my end of probation. So here I am, drenched in sweat, out of breath, five minutes before my first lesson getting ready to show what I’m capable of. Oh the look on that man’s face. He was ready to spit acid on that review. He almost looked smug. Smarmy bastard.

Well, thankfully for me, “Conviction and Skepticism” turned out to be an excellent lesson and the two girls in my class were capable and talkative. The lesson was actually near exemplary. After the lesson and having caught my breath, Dara came into the lounge where I told him that I really enjoyed that lesson. He remarked that it went well in there, and asked if I had taught that lesson before, to which I responded I hadn’t. I might go as far as to say the smile on his face this time around was a satisfaction I could share in. During my lunch break, Dara explained to me that the lesson did in fact go well in all the aspects with which he was concerned, and that the rest of my points were sparkling. Well, with the exception of my attendance “issues.” Apparently, Leigh or someone at Kid’s Training thought I looked hungover, and I stood up harshly to that one. I told Dara straight up I wasn’t, and that I’m not that kind of person. Despite the attendance fiasco, I take this job very seriously. So he gave me some pointers on keeping track of my schedule, and how to look up train times on my phone for future reference. He also said that my participation and enthusiasm at training yesterday was very good, which was odd, given that moments earlier he told me someone thought I was hungover. I chose to withhold the contradiction in those statements.

I have to admit I really kind of resent the hangover implication. Pardon my French, but I really think it’s bullshit to assume that when someone arrives late for a morning shift they’re hungover. I especially feel this way because I know that’s somehow an assumption specific to me and my personality type. For Christ’s sake, I drink, but seriously? When I have Kid’s Training the next morning? Come on. It was the first thing out of just about everyone’s mouth when they had a moment to ask me what happened. I bit my tongue, but sharp words lined its tip, grating my nerves quite a bit.

But I will say this: I handle pressure well. I didn’t fold, I didn’t freak out, I didn’t panic, I acted, I adapted, and most of all I performed. I took what could have been disaster and landed that plane. I can walk away from this. I had no money for a taxi, so what did I do? I ran. Observation straightaway? Sure. I didn't come here to fail. I didn’t go through everything I did getting here to not put everything I have into this job. The important part here though is that just because I deal well under stress doesn’t mean I’m going to create stressful situations for myself in order to perform.


10:15am

Yeahp. Weirdest dreams ever. I had a dream that I was taking someone into Portland for their first time, and I was really excited because we had to cross this bridge over a very, very wide river to get into the city, and the bridge descended into a massive canopy, inside which the city was constructed, the very tallest buildings barely sticking out. The view from the bridge was incredible, and as we approached the end of the bridge, I saw the familiar highway signs for the Naito Pkwy/405/I-5/84 exits. The city was exactly the same, except the whole place was dappled with sunlight having passed through trees.
The real excitement however came from watching the river from the bridge. A huge, we’re talking impossibly large whale was popping its head out of the water, and people were gathering to watch it. The whale managed to get higher and higher up each time, until it was level with the height of the bridge, which must have been hundreds of feet in the air. I couldn’t tell if the whale was trying to communicate with us, or was playing, or something, but I didn’t trust the thing. It came near the bridge many times, near where I was, and I would have nothing to do with that.

I had another dream later where I was on a motorcycle, in typical superbadass leather wearing hog driving style. I eventually ran into opposition from some gang, and of course there was a brawl. The odd part was that Mark R. from high school was part of the gang, and he apparently was notorious for using glass as a weapon, and was holding several bottles ready to break. So I matched him tit for tat, but apparently with his love of glass came a detachment from the pain of its cuts. It was a weird dream, which got convoluted quickly near waking. I have work at 3:10pm at モラージュ柏 Mallage Kashiwa today. Or at least I had damn well better.

12-08

I had the best dream last night ever. I was at some event, I don’t know what it was, it must have been some like giant exhibition or something, whatever it was, there were hundreds upon hundreds of us, all in this hotel, and this hotel was just huge. I mean, absurdly huge. This hotel must have had hundreds of floors, because each elevator lobby had like 6 or 7 elevators, most of which had special service to only certain portions of the hotel.
So I’m at this hotel, and I’m wandering around, I have to go to the 26th floor. Now, I’m working for Nova still, and apparently this exhibition is being held in the same building as where I need to go for some work related purpose. So I’m walking into the building, from the bottom floor, which is covered and essentially underground, wearing my suit, and I go to get in the elevator when I see just this amazingly beautiful girl. Of course, being a dream, I recognized her somehow, and I think we just kinda looked at each other and walked on by.
So I’m walking through this building, strutting around all confidently because I’m in a suit and the rest of these people are pretty much in street clothes, and they’re all pretty young, it seems as if most of these people are about my age. I see some more people I recognize and say hello, and get onto the elevator to go up to the 26th floor. As I get onto the elevator, I see that the girl from before is in it, and as the door shuts we get to talking. We of course get a long really well, and have a great time talking, and we both get off on the 26th floor.
All of a sudden I turn around for whatever reason and when I turn back around of course she’s halfway out of sight. So then the chase is on. I’m trying to keep sight of her while making my way through all these people who are chilling in these lobbies, people that I know from high school or college, standing around, and I’m not having the best luck with it. I get on an elevator and rush to hit the 25 button, but instead hit some absurdly high number, what with it being a dream of course. This elevator takes off, I mean takes off, and I’m looking at the people in the elevator telling them how much I hate elevators in such large buildings, while I essentially huddle in the corner expecting to fall to my doom. Which is weird, cause elevators don’t really bother me at all.
Anyway I get off at some stupid high floor and try to get onto another elevator that is going down, but when I do, I realize that it’s a special service elevator and only goes as far down as the 35th floor. So I take it down and get off there, and look for another one that actually goes down. I found one finally at the end of the elevators, and when I opened it, I realized why there was only one. This elevator must have gone back like 25 feet, and was stadium stepped, with handrails, so you could sit down, and there was room for easily 40 or so people in there. But, being the only one needing to go down, I had the thing to myself and sat down grasping the rails firmly and waited to arrive at the 25th floor.
As soon as the door opened, I walked out to see that the floor was a lobby type floor that actually extended down another floor or so, in an open kind of area. So I started to run to my right, towards the stairs and saw what must have been the wake of this girl, there were guys standing around left and right that had either been shot down or trying to think of something more clever. So I continue to run, and as I get to the stairwell I see guys actually leaping towards someone, and missing. At this point even in dream mode I’m laughing to myself how absurd this is. I must have caught on mentally, cause when I got to the bottom of the stairs, and was going around a corner, I saw her and her friend walking together. I stopped when I saw her, and she smiled at me. She said, “You know what? I already know you. I’m the new girl, I met you the other day. I was with Lauren.” (Referring to Lauren B. I went to high school with, which was actually Erica in the dream, but anyway). We smiled, I said I’d see her around then, and we walked off. At this point my dream becomes too cheesy for words.
Needless to say I was elated, and the rest of my walk back to the elevator wherever it was, was more or less me smiling and trying not to scream. I was moving pretty fast, and I think I was actually on some sort of magic happy rollerskates or something, cause whenever I passed someone I would spin around them in this elaborate flashy manner, which of course roused awe and admiration from those around me. I got to the elevator, pressed the up button, and opened my eyes.
The girl looked suspiciously like Melissa N. who I met in Italy last summer, I don’t know how that factors in. I also don’t know why I was in a building with everyone I went to high school with. But oh well. I woke up feeling as happy as I was in the dream, so it was worth writing down for that reason alone.

12-06

12-06 8:56pm

Well, this was certainly an interesting weekend. I got together with Greg Sunday night and we had a great time kickin it over at his place. I stayed the night there since we called it a night way past last train, and in the morning, while so very, very hungover, we wandered out to look for a place to eat breakfast.

Let me explain something to you all, so you can understand a little better what it is I mean when I say there was nothing. In Japan, there is no Brails’. There are no Dennys. No Sharis, no IHOP no Origanal Pancake House, no Pig N’ Pancake, no nothing. Breakfast, as we know it, hashbrowns, toast, pancakes, two eggs over medium and maybe even two strips of bacon, with a cup of coffee or orange juice and a tall, tall glass of water, that breakfast, doesn’t exist here. You know what does? If you do, you’re better off than I. The Japanese rock rice, sometimes a little miso, the occasional egg salad or tuna sandwich for breakfast, from what I understand.

So when you wake up at 8:30am because your drunk sleep is over, and there’s nothing you could possibly do to hope to get any more rest, and you wander out into Kita-Matsudo at 10am looking for something to eat which is in any way appetizing, let me tell you, you’re SOL.

The rest of yesterday and today wasn’t that interesting, aside from laundry and my ongoing attempts to use wireless networking devices for the forces of evil, not good, to little avail. I have to return the second of such devices to Bic Camera sometime tomorrow, after Kids Training.

Oh, yea, I have Kids training tomorrow, after which I imagine I will never leave my branch again. From here on in it’s me jumping and singing and playing with kids for at least half of every shift. Woooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

12-02

12-02

Wow. December already. I distinctly remember it being October a day or two ago. I’ve been here over a month now. It’s kinda weird thinking that I haven’t seen anyone from home in that long at least, though I have spoken to a few on the internet and in some cases on the phone.

Realizing that I’ve been here this long makes me think of the fact that this is half the time I spent here last time. By this time two years ago, Zhenya and I had started our relationship, my Japanese was becoming more honed, and I had traveled to some incredible places. I was halfway through my stay here.

What have I done since being here this time around? I’m still single, though majoritally by my own choosing, and from lack of options. My Japanese is getting better, from necessity mainly, though I still haven’t started going through the textbooks I brought with me, which I probably should. Where have I been? 原宿 Harajuku, though I made a beeline for the places I had been to already before. 秋葉原 Akihabara, though only to buy tools for working on my computer. 上野公園 Ueno Park, but only to drink with Greg. There was that rave I went to, which was cool, and I’m sure I’ll have more experiences like that. I’m admittedly a little disappointed.

But then again, I’ve been working most of the time I’ve been here. I can give myself that. Of the month or so, I’ve only had 11 days off. I’ve gone out with my coworkers, had plenty of good times, but is that Japan? Is that what this country is? I feel like I’ve been living with blinders on since being here. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t live in a bubble while here, though I know that’s what my job is. It’s a very safe place. I spend five days a week at work surrounded by English. In fact, the entire point of my employ is to teach the language of my reality to those whose reality I seek to know. The irony of the whole situation is resounding. The only times I can come close to what I came here to know are when I am alone in it. It’s funny the ways life reminds you sometimes that when you boil it all down, you’re alone. Not really alone, I suppose, alone with whatever it is out there with which I am connected, of which I am only aware when there’s nothing else to distract me from its presence. I was afraid of that solitude for so much of my life, now I laugh to myself thinking how much I appreciate those times. It’s the only time I really feel like I’m myself. I think that’s what I like about being in this country so much. I like not feeling at home. I like not feeling comfortable. When you settle down like that, you stop looking around. I hate the complacency it breeds. I hate taking things for granted. Language here of all things I don’t even have. I like having to think about how to say something before speaking to someone.

You know how many times you feel uncomfortable talking to strangers? How you endure things because there’s some sort of social barrier since you don’t know them? It’s like strangers speak a different language, broadcast on a different wavelength to which you aren’t attuned, until you balls up and talk to them. Well, I know some of you don’t feel that way at all, but I do. It’s the reason I refuse to meet women at bars. I feel like there needs to be a significant common thread, a parallel course, before joining life paths in that way. These are the threads that weave social webs, and hold societies together. Anyway, whereas before that barrier was merely perceived, it’s real here. You couldn’t talk to them even if you wanted to, they don’t speak the same language as you. It’s nice to have some of the crazier thoughts in my head made tangible in reality.

I realize that, at least for the version of this journal I make available to them, this is the most of my thoughts/my life my family has really ever known. Maybe in 6 months or so, this journal will contain in triplicate the sum total of all the information about myself and my life I have ever shared with my parents, at least since moving to Oregon, and being old enough to want to keep things to myself/realize it’s better that way. It really has little to do with them though, it’s the same for me with them as just about everyone else. So, welcome. I promise I’m not crazy. Just verbose. Little doubt from whom I inherited that.

Speaking of blinders, I had my three week evaluation yesterday in 柏 Kashiwa. It was kinda funny I guess, I taught a lesson I really liked, and the students were just wet noodles. They really handed me very little to work with, and I probably lack the tools at this point to extract what I need from them, so my review was interesting to say the least. I got points for following the lesson plan exactly as I should, and then talked to about how I shouldn’t stick entirely to the lesson plan. I was sticking too much to what was comfortable and not exploring new techniques, or something. I like being held to standards that haven’t been taught. It’s a clever way to make sure no one ever aces evals. You get tested on your ability to demonstrate the skills you’re due to learn the following week. I did so well on my first evaluation because I’m a quick learner, and got comfortable quickly. Now that I’m good at it, I’m getting docked for not having divined the next set of instructions. Lol. Whatever guys. As soon as you give me the tools, I’ll be a threat to your job security.